Little rusty

So since I only have 1 follower this is really just for me.

Which is just what the doctor ordered.

For the first time in a long time I feel myself again.

Not sure what has clicked, maybe 4 hours of listening to cds I forgot I lost. Maybe organizing my closets? I'm not sure but sometimes nostalgia is a good reminder of the good bits about yourself you need to bring back.

My hair is red again... it's a start :)

Changes

A lot , a lot, a lot is going on. It's all very complicated and some of it less than positive but in the end maybe the best?
In a few months if all goes well, Gabby and I will be on our own. I should be starting Grad School soon if I can get everything together, and to be honest I am quite overwhelmed.
My heart is breaking a little but I am trying very hard not to go there. I hate that I have become the negative girl. I pride myself on a positive outlook on everything but with all that is going on lately it's hard.
So I try to be practical and keep to myself. The less I talk to people the less negative I can be. In turn though I have become incredibly isolated the last few months and to say that isn't taking it's toll on me, that would be a lie.
It's hard sitting at home alone basically stewing while someone else in my life has started to live his life while he is single. Just because something is your decision doesn't make it any less hard.
Also, I have discovered sadly the people you think would stand up for you tend to step back and those who you didn't know cared step forward.
I know deep down this will all improve. I just wish it was sooner than later.

5 year Anniversary

So a week from Saturday will be our 5 yr. anniversary. We will be in Jamaica at the place where we got married. Very romantic. Unfortunately we are going as buddies. A lot has happened in the last few months, so good, bad, ugly,and otherwise. We are working on getting to place where we can at least be friends. I care about my husband do I love him the same way? Not sure. The good thing is rather than just throw in the towel we are working through it. Were will end up? I dunno know. I do know we have an amazing little kid. I never knew I could love someone so much. She makes me the happiest person. We should all be so lucky to have such a light in our lives.

Three years and counting...

Saturday I turned 37. To be honest not too eventful. Once I turned 35 I have kind of been whatever about my birthdays. In this day and age - age truly is just a number. My Gabby gets more amazing as the days go by and I can't believe she is mine. She is a sweet, smart, funny, loving girl. How did I get so lucky?
Things are still all bizarre on the home front - mostly my doing. Something that has happened to me as I move closer to my 40's. I have become less complacent. I find aside from Gabby I enjoy my own company. Which is a problem when you are married. It is becoming a problem. I am perfectly content to do my own thing. When did this happen? Is this normal?
So then I pose this question - am I looser if I have to move to KC in live in my parent's basement for awhile?

Where to Begin?!

Let's start with the cool - Gabby is now almost 17 months. She is a riot and I count myself lucky to be her Mommy. She is very sweet and smart and I feel like we are truly partners in crime.

The weather is being pretty cooperative, we are on a verge of an amazing election. What are we going to do when this thing ends tonight?! And without a lot of crazy dieting on my part I have managed to loose 7lbs!

Now for the not so cool. My Mom is still in a cast, our neighbors trimmed our tree, and my husband and I are having some issues. What makes me a little sad is I kind of am at peace with things. What will happen will happen and we did our best. I love my husband but I feel like we have graduated from married couple to roommates. What's worse is I feel like he is kind of ok with that...

MOVING ON...

Finally there is the bizarre - o. A random email from an ex who I haven't hear from in 5 years!!!!

FIVE YEARS PEOPLE.

Is there a full moon no one told me about?!

What you gonna do right? As my friends on Yo Gabba Gabba would say - Keep smiling...

Off to KC I Go...

My Mom shattered her ankle last week. As a result I am heading off to KC with Gabby to take care of Mom. If nothing else to keep her some company as she is confined to a wheelchair for a minimum of 6 wks.
Feeling some guilt as it is only the first month of school but in reality it is 10 days I won't teach. (Six classes for my 4's and four classes for my 3's) Still I am stressing. I have been frantically getting things done before I go. I hope to have it all done tomorrow so I can focus on laundry and packing.
Keep your fingers crossed!

Jumbly

I need to take a deep breath and could use a big glass of wine. BIG. I am experiencing a lot of inner turmoil. I need to vent but I am hesitant to air too much of my dirty laundry. You know?
I have been feeling a lot of pressure not at work but at home. I feel like I am talking and behaving in circles. How often can you say the same thing and not have it change, and at what point do you say enough? Then I think what I am complaining about? I have so much, I have a beautiful amazing child yet I still feel this space that needs to be filled. I just need to figure out with what. At this particular moment - a huge peanut butter chunk cookie would certainly help...