Little rusty

So since I only have 1 follower this is really just for me.

Which is just what the doctor ordered.

For the first time in a long time I feel myself again.

Not sure what has clicked, maybe 4 hours of listening to cds I forgot I lost. Maybe organizing my closets? I'm not sure but sometimes nostalgia is a good reminder of the good bits about yourself you need to bring back.

My hair is red again... it's a start :)

Changes

A lot , a lot, a lot is going on. It's all very complicated and some of it less than positive but in the end maybe the best?
In a few months if all goes well, Gabby and I will be on our own. I should be starting Grad School soon if I can get everything together, and to be honest I am quite overwhelmed.
My heart is breaking a little but I am trying very hard not to go there. I hate that I have become the negative girl. I pride myself on a positive outlook on everything but with all that is going on lately it's hard.
So I try to be practical and keep to myself. The less I talk to people the less negative I can be. In turn though I have become incredibly isolated the last few months and to say that isn't taking it's toll on me, that would be a lie.
It's hard sitting at home alone basically stewing while someone else in my life has started to live his life while he is single. Just because something is your decision doesn't make it any less hard.
Also, I have discovered sadly the people you think would stand up for you tend to step back and those who you didn't know cared step forward.
I know deep down this will all improve. I just wish it was sooner than later.

5 year Anniversary

So a week from Saturday will be our 5 yr. anniversary. We will be in Jamaica at the place where we got married. Very romantic. Unfortunately we are going as buddies. A lot has happened in the last few months, so good, bad, ugly,and otherwise. We are working on getting to place where we can at least be friends. I care about my husband do I love him the same way? Not sure. The good thing is rather than just throw in the towel we are working through it. Were will end up? I dunno know. I do know we have an amazing little kid. I never knew I could love someone so much. She makes me the happiest person. We should all be so lucky to have such a light in our lives.

Three years and counting...

Saturday I turned 37. To be honest not too eventful. Once I turned 35 I have kind of been whatever about my birthdays. In this day and age - age truly is just a number. My Gabby gets more amazing as the days go by and I can't believe she is mine. She is a sweet, smart, funny, loving girl. How did I get so lucky?
Things are still all bizarre on the home front - mostly my doing. Something that has happened to me as I move closer to my 40's. I have become less complacent. I find aside from Gabby I enjoy my own company. Which is a problem when you are married. It is becoming a problem. I am perfectly content to do my own thing. When did this happen? Is this normal?
So then I pose this question - am I looser if I have to move to KC in live in my parent's basement for awhile?

Where to Begin?!

Let's start with the cool - Gabby is now almost 17 months. She is a riot and I count myself lucky to be her Mommy. She is very sweet and smart and I feel like we are truly partners in crime.

The weather is being pretty cooperative, we are on a verge of an amazing election. What are we going to do when this thing ends tonight?! And without a lot of crazy dieting on my part I have managed to loose 7lbs!

Now for the not so cool. My Mom is still in a cast, our neighbors trimmed our tree, and my husband and I are having some issues. What makes me a little sad is I kind of am at peace with things. What will happen will happen and we did our best. I love my husband but I feel like we have graduated from married couple to roommates. What's worse is I feel like he is kind of ok with that...

MOVING ON...

Finally there is the bizarre - o. A random email from an ex who I haven't hear from in 5 years!!!!

FIVE YEARS PEOPLE.

Is there a full moon no one told me about?!

What you gonna do right? As my friends on Yo Gabba Gabba would say - Keep smiling...

Off to KC I Go...

My Mom shattered her ankle last week. As a result I am heading off to KC with Gabby to take care of Mom. If nothing else to keep her some company as she is confined to a wheelchair for a minimum of 6 wks.
Feeling some guilt as it is only the first month of school but in reality it is 10 days I won't teach. (Six classes for my 4's and four classes for my 3's) Still I am stressing. I have been frantically getting things done before I go. I hope to have it all done tomorrow so I can focus on laundry and packing.
Keep your fingers crossed!

Jumbly

I need to take a deep breath and could use a big glass of wine. BIG. I am experiencing a lot of inner turmoil. I need to vent but I am hesitant to air too much of my dirty laundry. You know?
I have been feeling a lot of pressure not at work but at home. I feel like I am talking and behaving in circles. How often can you say the same thing and not have it change, and at what point do you say enough? Then I think what I am complaining about? I have so much, I have a beautiful amazing child yet I still feel this space that needs to be filled. I just need to figure out with what. At this particular moment - a huge peanut butter chunk cookie would certainly help...

The Internet brings out the Idiots

It has been a long couple of weeks. On one hand great. My parents took Gabby giving us some much needed couple time. Then they came and visited which was lots of fun. I love seeing my daughter entertain her Grandparents and them try to entertain her. She stamps her feet and spins in a circle ala Happy Feet when she dances - which is all the time. She even puts her little arms above her head while she twirls.
On top of it she has figured out how to do head stands.
On the flipside a good friend of mine lost a loved one. Due to the circumstances the press got involved which in turn made a personal loss a public thing. Let's just say it's easy to say things when no one can see you. However I would love for any of those people to say those things to my face.

Ache

So my little one is at her Ada and Nana's in KC and I am trying really hard not to feel guilt. I miss her so badly I can hardly eat or think. I know she is in the 2nd best place in the world and this is as good as for her as it is for us, but God this is hard. I am struggling just looking at her toys.
She was such a good traveler. We drove to KC in two days and stayed overnight and she was just awesome. She was probably less crabby than her Mommy and Daddy. And for the record - Iowa is boring. Oh my it goes on and on. The people are very nice and parts are pretty but you hit the middle and ugh. I have never lived in the country so after awhile I had seen enough.
On the flip side the Iowa/WI border - beautiful. WOW.
So here I am trying to eat some time 'til Thursday when she arrives with her Grandparents. Then she and I partake in the Harley Davidson festivities with her Grandpa.
Now I just have to make it til then.....

She can find her toes...

Gabby is now 14 months.
I already think she is pretty cool but now her coolness has gone up a level because:

• she can show you her toes when asked
• can find the color red in a book
• just about feed herself
• can walk
• sings
• reads books - among her favorites: Go Dog Go
• thinks she is making Max sit and the cats when she has food in her hand
• gives hugs and kisses
• dances to Weezer and RunDMC with Mommy
• is simply amazing...

She is beyond remarkable. It is fun to see her do things for the first time. Like walk barefoot or eat a new food. I am starting to understand how people end up with more than one child. Then they become teenagers. Yikes!

Comfort Zones, Contractors, and a week solo...

This week are house is invaded. By contractors. In theory it should all be finished by next week but until then craziness will be in full effect. We are having our house resided and new carpet and wood put in. So if there isn't someone outside there will be someone inside. Which if it was just me - no biggie. However I have a baby, two cats, and a dog. I am going to have to do some creative activities to occupy all. Wish me luck. When it is all done I think our house will look great it is just getting there.
Today I am talking a class. It's a beading class. I can already make some jewelry but it would be nice to learn how to use the tools I have bought. I am a little nervous because it is a bunch of strangers making beaded stuff but I think it will be fun.
Finally in about two weeks I am allowing my little sweetheart some time with her grandparents. I am beyond nervous. I think she will do fabu, me - my heart will be breaking a little. Even on our worst days I am nutso for her. It will be hard but I think good. And good practice because in Feb. - Jamaica for our 5 year anniversary baby!

Can It Be the Weekend All the Time?

What a great weekend and it's only Saturday! Chris and I checked out our local farmer's market. It isn't too big but it was nice to be outside and we have a really nice revamped downtown. And of course Double G was thrilled.
Next onto Best Buy. We needed batteries and wanted to get our hands on the new Weezer cd. Of course since both of us like electronics the trip ran long, causing G to get squirmy so we split up. As I am alone in the computer bag aisle I hear a young child yell. Of course it was mine. She just wanted to remind everyone she was in the store.
Last stop Target. We misplaced G's sandal and needed a bathroom shelf. Said sandal indeed was at Target and we located the shelf.
We got some toys for us and some yummy fresh produce. Squeezed in some Wii bowling and had some outside time with G.
Now if she sleeps through the night it will be perfect.
Now I know why Bob Geldof hates Mondays...

Shhh you are hurting my brain

Do you ever have so much coming at you, you want to tuck tail and run? That has been my last two days. I would just like a little breaky break you know?
Sometimes you just need people to listen and not tell you what to do, or not have your employer call you twice within an hour on your day off about things that really could have waited til Monday, or finally have people get to the point.
Ugh...
In the scheme of things it's nothing traumatic. It's just my noggin saying - take a vacation. Thankfully I have one coming up. Nothing fancy just a few days at home with my favorite little person and a trip to the Harley happenings in Milwaukee with my parents.
So I am going to take a deep breath and slug some soda and chill. :)

Am I Middle Aged?

Seriously am I middle aged now and didn't realize it?! Is it good I am unaware that I am? I don't think I am in denial, I just truly don't know when it starts.
Also, I don't think I appear middle aged. Nor do my friends. I always thought we were cool and unique when we were younger, but now. We are all simply amazing.
Some of us work in fancy museums, some of us play in really good rock bands, some of us can be heard on the morning radio, and some of us work with rock stars. One of us is embracing being a Mommy a little later than most of her high school compadres. Not bad for a bunch of old people.
Right?
This all kind of bubbled up recently when my boss realized I had almost a decade on her in age. Some of my coworkers I have 15 years on! Which I kind of like. It makes me appreciate how much my life has changed. Not that it's easier I have just learned (finally) there are more important things. I still have alot of my quirks and worries that I carried around when I was 25 and even 15. Now I just now when to drop it and go play ball with my favorite little person.

My Baby is a drama queen

Gabby is a little dramatic. Today while having lunch out with a good friend of mine she proceeded to wave and high five every patron who walked by. Then when she was ignored, she would scrunch up her mouth until it touched her little nose and look at us forlornly. At one point she got mad at me because she wanted my straw and hit me in the face. Then when I turned away from her started to blow me kisses. I am in a lot of trouble ....

I love the Holiday Weekend

Another long weekend with my husband. I love having extra time with Chris and Gabby. Today we went to a parade. Her first. She was pretty happy until one of the floats came by squirting water. Not cool.
Tomorrow on tap a visit to the Madison Zoo and wrapping up Sunday a visit to A&W for some yummy food.
Of course peppered with our infamous family naps. The three of us hit the couch and nap.
It's very nice.
Why can't summer be longer?

What do I say?!

Ugh. So as most of you know my parents do not live nearby. That means someone is always traveling to see the other person. This year it has been me and my little one. Three times since Christmas. So Chris and I thought it might be nice to invite Grandma to come visit and we would fly her out.
I guessed incorrectly, I think.
I was discussing this topic with my Mom and she asked me how much vacation time I get and if I had any left. I answered her and she asked why didn't I just come see her. To which I said I am teaching a Spanish class until the fall and no one else can teach it, also I have my Preschool classes. She said and I may be misquoting a little because I am ornery about it "I don't know what the big deal is, you are just a glorified babysitter..."
I know that is the perception many people have in regards to my job and I have learned to shrug it off. Usually. But my own Mom?!
Now I am at a loss, do I say anything? Do I ignore it? Do I eat a pint of ice cream?
These are all things I need to remember so when Gabby is older- I think about what I say and how I say it, so as not to hurt her feelings.
We'll see how that goes too.... :)

She's a Toddler!

My little one is One!

No longer a baby but a toddler. In my mind she will always be a baby but according to all the books Toddler.

She is afraid of monkeys (ironic since that is her nickname), she is a little bit of a neat freak, and loves Cheerios. And I am crazy about her.

We survived the first year, can't wait for the next one!

Back from KC

Gabby and I just got back from a week in KC with my parents. You don't realize you need a vacation sometimes until you are on it. You also don't realize you have stress until you are away from it. I think I have been fooling myself about a couple of things and being away kind of brought them to the surface.
Just means I need to do some retooling to try and make things right and lessen the stress.
I know my folks are only an hour away by plane but it doesn't seem close enough. Especially when I see Gabby with her Grandparents.
She changed a lot in a week.
I have the best baby ever people. Seriously!
For once in my life I actually look like I went on vacation too.
Wish I was still on it.

End of the Year Craziness...

My school year is winding down and the craziness has begun. Trying to organize field trips, graduations, order yearbooks, clean rooms, and get things off the walls and back to parents.
Luckily I have made sure to take a week for myself before the Summer session starts.
I am off to KC with my little one. I am really hoping she is walking before said trip because it will break Chris's heart if she takes her first step at her Grandparent's house.
Last trip she had a bunch of firsts without her Dad present.
Have been trying to make more time for myself. However, I feel like the more I do that the more I slack in other places. Like cleaning the house.
My house is not clean people.
It's shameful, and I am some one's Mom! :)