I try really, really, really hard not to turn my blog into a downer for anyone reading it.
It is a place for my friends to know what is going on in my life without having to phone, if their lives are too busy.
Lately my blog has become my place for solace and calm. It is where the real me hides out.
When other parts of my life aren't so calm and I feel like I can't be myself.
A big chunk of me is very much going south, and I don't know how to fix it. And to be honest maybe I am the problem. It just doesn't seem to matter how much I try it keeps disengrating.
I am beyond humiliated that I am failing at this. I am trying so hard to be what I thought and I think I should be, but really the truth is that isn't me.
I am a forgetful person, when I am having fun I have a tendency to push other things off. I am a neat freak...
These are things most people love me for, but the one person who is supposed to love me for these things unconditionally - is making me feel like being like that is no good.
So here I am doing what I don't want to .
Airing a little dirty laundry. Trying to hold it together when I just want to crumple.
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3 comments:
Boo to crumple!
You are a strong woman, but even strong women need to take a breath. Nobody has to (or should) be strong all the time.
I'm proud of all you have done to take charge and change your life, Caprise. Think how you went after this Adecco job, guns blazing. That takes someone with a total knack for selling themselves, yes, but also knowing what their selling.
Your significant other should recognize the wonderful that is in you. If he doesn't - I'm tellin' ya straight - drag him to counseling. It's great stuff, and you leave feeling really focused. And you sound like you're just craving a little focus right now.
So, power to my super strong sister! I salute you!
Caprise: You are strong because you eat your vegetables and because you have fortitude and a good heart. Don't crumple!
Thanks ladies - I am working on pulling myself back up. :)
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