No Way To Be

Have been getting daily status reports on my Grandma.
All I can say is no one should have to go out like this.
And no one should have to see it and try to deal with it.
It is simply frightening - my Grandma deserves to go out w/dignity and just is not happening.

Do you have a steel plate in your head?

Oh the conversations we have at work!
Since there are only 3 of us. Things get out of hand, especially when it is after hours of operation. We had a blitz day which means we pounded the pavement.
It was a little scary but we did it in teams and had a fun theme so it was hard for people to be mean.
Anyway we were all a little slap happy at the end of the day. Since I am still relatively new there are things my coworkers don't know about me.
I disclosed some things tonight and they dubbed me interesting and proceeded to grill me.
Not in a bad way - just maybe now they know why I tick like I do and frankly vice versa.
We had an interesting convo about Mothers.
Yikes - my Mom rules people.
And boys.
And college
And underage drinking.
Let us just say as much as I get irritated w/my coworkers I also really like them too.
After today I think I understand them so much more and that being said I think my life will be a lot easier there.
Since we pounded today though we got nothing done and we got lots to do. Good think I like them because we will all be hanging together late again tomorrow.

Hamburger and books...

As I am checking my email my husband is making hamburger helper and it is currently in pre-helper stage and I so badly want to filch some cooked hamburger- it smells so good!

I have turned into an addict - books.
I was packing and found 6 books I forgot I bought and have not yet read.
My compulsion used to be shoes but now w/a Barnes Noble and Half Price Books literally blocks from work my new stress shopping is books.
Is this bad?

I am reading a book right now called Under the Skin. It is by Michael Farber it is actually the first book he wrote. He also wrote the Crimson Petal and The White.
I have always wanted to be a writer and when I read novels like his and John Irving's it reminds me why.
Now if only I would quit be lazy and get writing...

Bob Geldof knew...

... what he was talking about when he wrote the song "I don't like Mondays." Granted it is based on a very tragic event - however some of the lyrics ring true.
Today was that day.
Had a fabu weekend.
Chris and I went and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I was a little worried because I loved the original but having read the book. Tim Burton did good. Loved it!
So funny.
Then I was treated to a homemade meal.
Worked all weekend - 3 hours at Adecco and almost 7 w/Beth at her craftactular. Her Mom was sweet enough to hang w/me and I got some cool crafts out of it.

Today work blew and we leave it at that.
Double whammy - my Grandma's doctors made the final decision to take her off dialysis.
With that I go eat some junk food...

It is final a done deal...

We will be owning a home. We move in August and I can't wait. So excited to have our space but we still have so much packing to do it is not even funny. Knowing how we are I have this fear that we will pack the four days before the movers come and not in advance.
I can't believe I am going to have a yard. Such a nice feeling. And no upstairs neighbors. That could be my favorite part. No wait the two bathrooms is. :)

I have to go into work today and I would like to be home at a decent hour so I should keep this short.

ARRRGHHHH!!!

So did anyone know there was a full moon?
There was and it sure has impacted my life.
This morning on my way into work I hit what I don't know but something so hard I got a flat and my tire literally separated from the hubcap. Luckily I was on the main drag and was able to pull into a parking lot. I went and called a tow truck - the guy was sweet enough to put my spare on and off to a tire dealer. 3 hours and almost $200 later I am on my way to work.

Once at work I am told my focus for the day is to find someone to start at a client ASAP. A client that frankly burns through our people like a my dog and an unguarded box of treats. I also was talked to about my quick frustration level.
When I am angry I cry.
'Cause if I show my temper - it ain't pretty.
I got through it all and my boss and I had a hilarious back and forth quoting Napoleon Dynamite. But the thing is - I feel bad I am perceived as weak. I hate that I let people get to me.
I need a class for bad asses in training :)

Everybody is ready for the weekend, again...

Had such a great weekend I want it to be here again.
We had dinner out twice which is always a treat and we got to visit with Ann and Dan.
They did a mini day trip and it was so great to see them. We took them to our favorite burger place - Griff's.
We love it there but it is a family owned restaurant so the visits can be interesting to say the least. The owner's son who basically runs it, is the happiest person you ever met. We discussed on the walk back how he needs more flair. On the walk there Annie and I were discussing the similarities between our spouses. They walk the same, stand the same, are built the same and are both two of the sweetest men you will ever meet. I told Annie they are both so different from the guys we fawned over in college - and thank goodness for that!!!

I love my friends so much and it meant so much to me that they would make time out to see me. They also helped me solve my ongoing dilemma about going back into radio. Not going to do it. I pride myself on being an aging punk. Not necessarily outwardly but inwardly- in that I do what I believe in - and I don't believe in commercial radio. It is not fun for me and frankly I don' t think I am that good at it anymore or to be honest ever was. So I am going to focus that energy on other things like myself, my husband, and my zoo.

Max was such a good boy this weekend. He of course drooled on everyone but that is because he loves them so much!

Found an unlikely stress reliever tonight. My iPod and an incumbent bike at the health club. I am so relaxed!!!

Hoping to see Ann, Dan and Paulie and Nichole in a few weeks, as well as see the debut performance of Ann in Paul's band.
Should be fun. Always is.
I suppose,my dog is freaking out and my cats need some water.
Thank you Ann and Dan for being my friends and making me feel like it is ok to be me. :)

Laziness Level - HIGH

Ever have one of those days where even though you are work working you think I can't wait get home and do nothing.
I am having one of those days and unfortunately they are showing our apartment so I need to kick it in gear and clean.
Can't wait til the weekend.
Oh wait... then I have to pack.
Oh well :)

Weird Food...

Depression makes you do crazy things.
Like loose it at work.
Or got to Woodman's and buy the following:
Nutella
Caviar
Smoked Salmon
Diet Dr. Pepper
Little Debbies
Eggs
Ritz
Liver Pate
And eat them - mind you not at once.... those are foods that in one way or another make me think of my family. My boss encouraged me to take a day and get my head on straight.
So I am - cause in the coming week I am going to have to dust myself off and deal w/some pretty rough stuff....

LS Grandma...

So I have been blogging on and off about my Grandma. She has several serious health issues recently and Thursday it all came to a head.
She and my family have decided she just can't take much more of the way things are anymore and are taking her off of dialysis. They actually did on Thursday. I knew things were bad but chose to look the other way. However now I have to face it head on and I am a little afraid.
The average person only lives about 8 days after they stop dialysis, they stopped on Thursday. Bear in mind my Grandma has no functioning kidneys to speak off as a result of her other health problems. Due to her age and her condition she is certainly not a canidate for a transplant and frankly at this point she has made it clear she is done w/surgeries.
She has gone from a vibrant, funny woman who emailed me jokes and weather/family updates everyday to someone who rarely has moments when she is lucid. She is confined to a wheelchair and is loosing control of basic functions. Anyone who knows her knows that is not her.
So she has decided she is ready to go.
I am still trying to wrap my head around it all and have had long talks w/both my parents and my Grandfather. My Dad just got back from seeing her and he said he made peace with this happening then and feels bad that wasn't the impression given to me.
It probably was I just chose not to see it. I am a very emotional person, everything rides so close to the surface and I think I thought if I fessed up to it I would not be able to function.
So here I am blogging like a mad woman.
My Grandmother would like something I wrote about her, read during her memorial, and I said to my Grandfather if possible I would be honored to read it. My other concerns are we have so much going on here I feel bad leaving. However I would feel worse if I didn't.
She made me who I am - how can you not pay respect to that.

Small Hands...

This week has been CRAZY - work, house, bleck... won't even go there.
Things that are cool however - my lovely friend Ann is going to be in my neck of the woods in a mere 8 days which means I get to see her. Love it.
Things that are cool but my selfish side is pouting about - Beth got into grad school in New Orleans which is really great. But really sad. SHE IS MY BUD. We talk almost everyday and see each other every week. I am not sure what I am going to do with out her. I know to some people that may sound very selfish and well... a little codependent but she is MY BUD.

She is the girl w/whom I can have this night:
Dinner at an Irish pub downtown w/drinks that grow hair on one's chest. ATTRACTIVE. Oh and did I mention they sat us in the corner. Apparently my I love Geeks shirt w/Millhouse on it offended them. Whatever.
Then off to the Paradise for a Spotted Cow. Where we decided that bar is much more fun when it is late. Too many scary old drunk people that time of day. They thought we were there because of the art fair. To which Beth commented come here at night bitch... :)
Then a walk to the capital and around the square. We saw this woman with Flock of Seagulls hair and of course Beth sang I ran to me. To which we got an old gay man very upset and repeatedly said we were obnoxious. Hey I got an idea don't walk so close behind me you can hear my every word I am whispering to my friend.
We sobered up and headed to the carnival in the mall parking lot. Beth's grandparents were carnies so she loves them. She knows all sorts of interesting carnie facts and knows what to do at a carnival. Even though I hate heights we rode the Ferris wheel. Of course more singing - "Once, twice, three, twenty times a lady. " When we got on I asked Beth how many rides she thought we would get - she said two - then it was three and then the guy forgot about us til finally someone else wanted a ride. THANK GOD.
We talked to this very nice lady who ran the balloon dart game and she gave me a deal - 2 darts for $2 it is supposed to be $2 for one. I of course popped both my balloons and one a bobblehead dog. The lady was really nice and congratulated me. What I felt bad about - my brother's favorite thing to do as a kid was take me to the local fair and make me win him prizes. Because I rule at the dart balloon game. As long as the tips are metal - it is all good. It got to the point where the fair we went to wouldn't let me play anymore. Now ask me to play darts in a bar w/a plastic tip - I suck.
Then Beth introduced me to a funnel cake. That is right I have never had a funnel cake.
Oh my so good.
Thank you for that intro. My hips curse you but my tummy thanks you.
We had so much fun and we always do.
I can sing and laugh, cry, and dance with Beth. I can be the most true and honest me I can be with her and I am going to miss that.
BUT - I am so happy for her. She deserves this so much and Chris is such an excellent chef that somewhere like New Orleans will equal nothing but good things for them.
Besides New Orleans and Beth - oh my the trouble I can get into and the songs we can sing.

Good Times...

So the weekends for me no matter what the holiday mean at least one day w/my good friend Beth. We almost always get a meal together then crunch in a movie and some shopping.
unfortunately for Beth these romps usually occur after I have consumed an ungodly amount of coffee. Like today for example.
Since my mornings consist of lounging and gorging on Reese cereal and coffee - it goes without saying I nearly give myself a heart attack every weekend. So of course every weekend when we go anywhere we have to sit and let me drink a ton of water to slow my heartbeat.
As we did today. :) We then went and saw the funniest movie ever it is a documentary called Mad Hot Ballroom. So funny it is about the ballroom dancing contest held for elementary school kids in New York every year. Can I just say - I love kids. Just solidified how badly I want to go back and get my teaching certificate. Granted now because of changes in regulations it will take me 4 years but that is ok. The kids were funny and sweet and my favorite school of the three won. I also fell in love with this little Dominican kid named Wilson. I am normally not a documentary person but this was well worth it.
Then of course it was off to the craft store.
We always seem to get there as they are about to close. Beth unlike myself does not care if we only have 15 minutes - she will shop til whenever. I am not that bold.
Should be but am not...
Tomorrow is fireworks near our house and we are looking forward to it then back to the grind. It has been such a great weekend can't complain.

Fingers crossed...

So we are back looking at houses again. The one in Cottage Grove was a bust. Which in reality was a blessing in disguise.
We were set to look at 9 today but only made through 3. The third one was the one. The first one was a close second. The second one blew...
We won't even to go into the laundry list reasons as to why. Let us just say GROSS is being gentle. The house that we put an offer on was a fluke - our realtor was relayed our tale of house buying woe to her coworkers so they have been giving her addresses that we would want to check out. The house we looked at isn't even listed yet. I am very scared because of our two previous experiences but you know what? I am so used to bad that if it turns out good it will be a wonderful surprise.
Bonus - our landlord has extended our lease so no van by the river and our financing is a go.
So really aside from not having a house - we are doing good!
Keep your fingers crossed and send us well wishes - if all goes well we will invite you over for brats and beer in our new beautiful backyard!