Living My Life

The last couple posts have been about making some changes.
So I have been, can I just say little things like leaving on time and taking lunches, wearing fun clothes to work- are things that are making me feel more like myself.

I don't need to change jobs to be happy. I need to change my attitude. My biggest issue is that I take jobs where I feel like I need to become what that workplace thinks I should be.
Yes and no.
Work ethic definitely.
Attitude sure... but how I look maybe not so much.
Who I question - need to be careful but my foundation of life was based on questioning authority.
I don't question enough - I assume because someone has years on me they know more, not necessarily.
I have things to contribute and I am capable.
I think somewhere along the way I forgot that.

I also forgot the joy of doing stupid things for myself.
Like taking the Cosmo quiz.
Eating cheese popcorn.
Reading a great book.
Cuddling with my honey.
Making my cat do a little dance.
Being me.

So I am going to be me.
I get a bonus in October and my reward for taking a lunch and leaving on time to myself - a new tattoo. (Beth we are so going together)
I am going to spend more time with my friends. (Ann I think we need to get planning our Halloween costumes - you can be Joan Jett and I will be Lita Ford or vice versa since we know Lita plays a mean guitar!)
My problem is I have made work my life and left my life behind.
It ends today - and it did a full lunch hour.
HOORAY!

Starting the path toward a change...

Chris and I had a great weekend.
Drinks, lots of grilled food, and visits from friends and family.
Also a great talk.
Like it or not my job - I let define me.
My husband the psych major said that would be why I am blue.
My job makes me not such a happy girl.
So I am going to try and find something new.
Like working w/kids.
You can do it without going back to school, unfortunately it means a paycut but as long as we can pay for my house and my car the rest will work itself out.
Besides that is what retail is for right? Part time jobs. :)
So my new quest begins finding my happy place - it has already started at home in the form of my lovely house. I love it, love my yard, neighbors, and hood.
Now I need a happy place away from work.
There is way too much drama there.
I know, I know drama everywhere but a little less drama would rule.

So wish me luck, this may all get me nowhere but it is worth it to try.

Ready to do something crazy...

So I am fast approaching my next birthday. I will be 34. Not huge but still I feel like I am fast approaching the time when I can't be too crazy and need to settle down. However I feel like I want to do something crazy. Like get a tattoo people can actually see.
Ok stupid I know but you ever feel like you have tamed yourself down prematurely when really your inner wild child is screaming to be let out?
I don't go out anymore.
I dress decidedly different.
My hair a little tame although I am going to this great girl who gets my angst and is helping me through it.
I know this is stupid right?
I wouldn't say it is a mid-life crisis just feel like a need a change.
A change that won't hurt others but will let the wild child out a little.

Martinis , Mayhem, and the Smoking Ban

I am a very sleepy girl today.
Last night was Beth's fundraiser at Fyfe's. Let us just say I am trucking on 4 hours sleep and a tummy full of Toasted Nut martinis and Mocha cake.
I woke up hungry and tired.
It was a long day but we had so much fun. If I can find my connector I will post the cutest picture - of course from last night.
There is nothing like laughing , good drinks, and your three best friends to make you realize how great you have.
The comedy was in response to Madison' s smoking ban.
So funny.

You will just have to guess what the mayhem part of the equation is.

And then the bottom fell out...

you know how there are times you are at work and you think "am i the only one who sees this person not doing what they are supposed to?"
so that has been how it has been for me for six months.
the person in question has been doing my job for 4 years
not necessarily correctly but i feel like i can't say anything, i have tried only to have it crash
well i was at our other office on Thursday to return Friday to a storm of questions i didn't feel comfortable answering.
i like this person they are nice but yup they are kind of slacking a little
needless to say my tummy is in knots...
too much drama
just want to go to work and come home - you know?

cause i love my house
i did yard work for almost 2 hours
i am sore but it was so great
than i put the smack down on the house cleaning
i enjoy being a homeowner :)

Ode to White Mocha and Night Blindness

So I started my morning at 6 and am just winding down... can I just say how much I enjoy my Starbucks? Love me some White Mocha. I know they are a chain and that is not cool but - what is cool no matter what city you are in you know that if you get a coffee in Wisconsin or Little Rock it will taste the same. Sometimes you need that. The familiar - lots of times when I am traveling it is not for good and it involves a lot of melancholy on my part. The fact that I have the constant makes me happy.
I know I am a dork.
Went to a party at Beth's Moms house and drove back during the dark. I am getting old and I can because not only could I not see when I drove home I drove slow and in the right lane the whole way. I am such a baby.
I am on my own tomorrow at work. I am looking forward to it. It has been a stressful week it will be nice to have a controlled stressful environment.
I am glad to have Beth here for awhile. Missed her so much.
I am just sorry for the circumstances.
AND BETH YOU ARE NOT PAYING ME BACK YOU DORK!?
I CAN'T NOT EVEN BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT!
UGH!

Shop til you drop...

Beth is back.
I managed to get her a job that she started today.
Took her shopping yesterday.
At least for now she is set.
Once it's colder we will deal - for right now she is set on clothes. It was fun to buy for someone else. The hardest part was talking her into stuff.
So while she went to get a lightbulb I paid for everything.
The look on her face was beyond worth it.

Worst night ever...

Because unfortunately ,I have inherited some of my Grandmother' s tact I won't rant like I would like to here. There have been enough hurt feelings for one evening.
However, can someone please explain to me why it is so difficult for people to have a little respect and consideration for others?!
I have never been quite as humiliated I was tonight and I hope I won't again.

What I do know.
I have 3 tremendous friends.
Thanks for listening and making me realize I am normal. :)

Miss Oprah

So... I was home sick today.
I hate missing work and I despise being ill and of course I can only seem to fall asleep in shifts.
Thankfully, I fell asleep during Dr. Phil (sorry Mom), however I was up for Oprah.
She is live in the regions impacted by hurricane Katrina. That woman is amazing...
She went places, and asked questions, and did things we all wanted to do.

She also pointed out to millions who have been wondering - how could this have happened?
I have always been a fan of hers. I know lots of people think she is overrated.
In my mind she did things today that our own president should have done.

It broke my heart but gave me hope.
Even if our president is not knowing what to do, there are many out there who do and are.

Another hopeful thing - talked to Beth. She should be here in a few days.
Safe.
Which in a time like now is the most important thing.
If you see her and Pokey throws poop at you , don't take it personally he has been through a lot for a hedgehog.

Do you need me to build you something?

So I have been on my own this weekend. Almost all of human contact has been via phone. So I have done some projects around the house.
4 loads of laundry.
Unpacking some of our living room, unpacking our kitchen and oh yeah - building a kitchen table.
That is right I built a rolling table.
With a Murphy's wrench no less.
My hand hurts but our kitchen is cute... :)

A Little Goes A Long Way

So as you all know my best girl Bethie has been unfortunately impacted by the hurricane. Beth is probably the nicest person you could ever meet. Life unfortunately doesn't use that in it's scoreboard and she tends to get the short end of the stick on a continuum.
However, I think in all of this she will be pleasantly surprised at all the love that is going to come her way.

They say what goes around comes around. This is no exception. All of us that know her don't have much but what we do have we are giving to her.
It is by far the most amazing and sweetest thing I have ever been a part of.
There are some pretty remarkable people out there. I am so lucky to know a good chunk of them!

For those of you who have contacted me about Beth - I will try to get in touch w/you without anyone having to leave their email address hanging out on my blog.
We will get this organized and figured out.
And I can't say enough how amazing you all are!

Still no word...

My best girl Beth had recently become a New Orleans resident. Last I heard she was safe in Dallas. However, I haven't heard from her in 2 days which is cause for concern as I know she is on the last legs of money to get home.
I went and grabbed lunch at my local McDon's and they had CNN on.... if I were a reporter there I would be giving these people my water and food, letting them have my supplies not filming while someone is crying out for water.
What has our world come to?
Do we enjoy seeing others suffer that much?

My husband and I keep debating calling the Red Cross and going and helping. Me with my weak heart and bad eyes. :) My husband who gets winded going downstairs. I feel very helpless and like money is not enough. I have an acquaintance who called the Red Cross and volunteered to drive his flatbed down south loaded with supplies to help out. They called him on Friday, he is going to call me on Tuesday and tell me if he is going.

I wish I had the ability to do something like that. Unfortunately, all I can do is get together a care package for when Beth and Chris get here. We have been frantically unpacking our new home so they have room to stay. I have been fighting my fear of basements to clean ours up - if they need more space. I have been keeping my eye out for sales so I can get Beth some clothes that match as that is the one thing she would love to do right now. Match.
I don't' make a lot of money but what extra we have we are giving to Beth and Chris so they can start to feel as normal as people who have lost everything can.

With that I guess I challenge you reading this.
Instead of buying a coffee or a shirt that is on sale take that money and give it to the Red Cross, if you don't have the money give blood.
A little right now will go a long way.
Besides I don't need my White Mocha Grande, my girl needs stuff.

Do what you can - cause our government is dropping the ball, maybe as a people we can pick it up.

Sea of Sadness

I have decided to boycott the news, at least the news from television.
I can't handle the way our media treats things as if they are novelty. We are talking about human beings... why are we not able to show our own citizens the same compassion we showed the victims of the Tsunami?
It is breaking my heart.
What else is breaking my heart is how the despair has turned people against each other. What does beating and raping someone solve? Does it make you any less thirsty, hungry, or desperate?

I am just beyond relieved Beth is somewhere safe. But her life is lost as are millions. I can't imagine. I wish I could fix it but I am one person. So I am going to start small. I am going to give Beth stuff, find her a job, and offer up my home.
It is the best I can do right now.

Now if everyone had that mentality - just imagine the good we do for those poor, suffering, people.

Remember to be thankful for where you are and what you have.
Especially right now when there are so many without.

And now for my political commentary:
And vote democrats next time for Pete's Sake!
No more Bushes!!!
If we had the boys in Iraq here instead of there just think of how much chaos could have been prevented?! It make things even more painful...