Living in a Van Down by the River

One of my favorite all time Saturday Night Live characters was Chris Farley's inspirational speaker. He lived in a van down by the river. I think because of a divorce and loosing his shirt.
We might be living in a van because we had to totally change the offer on our house.
Just too much damage that frankly we can't afford to fix without some help.
So we wait.
Our realtor point blank asked what we would do.
Camp out at work?!
Our lease is up at the end of the month and w/family states away this could get ugly.
And of course we don't have a whole lot of extra cash flow - cause we are buying a house!!!

We will know if it's a done deal by tonight.
If you come visit and I am in a van down by the river - don't laugh. :)

Mamasita Part Tres

Just got off the phone with Mom.
Miss her already.
My Dad and brother are glad to have her back though.

I got scolded a little for spilling the beans on some of our craziness on Saturday to my Dad.
The best way to describe Saturday :
Siblings gone wild. My Mom comes from a family of 11 and about half were at my uncle's. We all were seated in a circle and would get up solely for food and beverages. Lots of beverages. Lots of homemade wine, gin and tonics, and beer. I attempted to call my friend Beth and was laughing so hard I could barely talk. The stories they tell when they are together are funny anyway but add alcohol - they should have a show. I would watch it. :)

The part I didn't share w/my Dad - was my Mom taking me around my aunt's house which was her family's as a teenager and telling me about the dreams she had as a kid. Taking me to the old stone barn where she met her first love and holding my hand the whole time. Showing me the window she used to look out of, the creek she used to play in. Telling me how proud she is of me. She never tells me that stuff and she told me all weekend, I am still a little shocked by it all. It was beyond special and its ours. Now yours. I only hope when I have kids I can be this cool and wonderful and amazing.

I think my Dad was a little jealous - because of his job we just don't get to spend much time together. We barely are able to talk on the phone. When I was a kid he was it as far as I was concerned. Now I have that relationship w/my Mom. Girl can't help it she rules.

And now she is gone :)

My favorite person in the world has left Madtown. My Mom. Had a great weekend with my her. It is amazing to me how many people I know who would prefer torture tickling to hanging w/Moms. About 5 years ago I was that person. Then my parents started their round the world tour and I have been missing them ever since. In the last 2 years my Mom and I have really bonded. Me planning a wedding and her being married to someone who lived mostly in England for a year and half brought us together.
Now I don't want her to go.

Our first night we were pretty mellow. Then Friday we watched this terribly melodramatic miniseries we are both hooked on and she introduced me to my new favorite wine - Fat Bastard. YUM. She discovered it in France. Thank you France. Oh and there was shopping.

Saturday - my cousin's wedding. SHE HAD A WEDDING PARTY OF 16!!! Insane. She looked great and at the end of the ceremony they did the polka to On Wisconsin. So cute. Then we had a dry reception. Literally no liquor followed by craziness at my uncles. My uncle makes homemade wine. I think that lets you know where the evening went. Needless to say we crashed at my aunts who live nearby. Not such a bad thing except they have 5 cats and I slept on a loveseat shorter than me. I am 5 foot 2 inches - people that is amazing!

So yesterday we crashed hard. We went for a walk and rented movies and hung out.
It ruled.
Today she hung w/another aunt and her best friend then she picked me up from work early and we sat and talked in the mall. We had this elaborate plan to eat at the airport before her flight and visit, and of course her flight got switched. So I had about 10 minutes w/her and she was gone.
I bawled and felt like an idiot and she said to stop because she didn't want to cry. That just made me cry more. So she hugged me and I asked her to stay. Earlier I had threatened to throw myself at her and scream PLEASE DONT GO, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME. Kind of wish I had.

I guess all of this post is saying is this : I am so lucky.
No matter how blue things are and how down I feel I have one awesome, kick- ass Mom.
I don't know how I got such great parents but whoever had a hand in it I thank you.

Day one w/Mamasita

Mom and I kicked it today hard. No one should walk around an outdoor shopping mall in this fricking heat. Ugh.
Still had fun.
Now Mom is napping and I am making sure there are no fires at work.
They don't have brats out East so she and I picked up some for dinner. She also found some ethnic odds and ends she likes to cook w/here to take home.
We discussed the zoo but decided the heat and the smell would make for a lethal combo.

Tomorrow is my cousins wedding - which should be interesting.
They are having a wedding party of 16!
Crazy kids.
So glad we did the Jamaica beach thing.
So glad... :)!

The house inspection didn't go so well but it will all work itself out and if not we will be renting for a little while longer. No harm no foul.
I do need to get on the packing thing though.

So awesome to have my Mom here.
Wish she could stay.

The Mamasita is coming :)

My Mom is going to be here tomorrow. So excited I can not tell you. My Mom is the embodiment of all the things I wish I could be.
She is a bad ass but sweet and she always see the bright side of everything.
I have not seen her for well over 10 months and I am so homesick it is crazy. Not that I have a home anymore as they now live in PA, but you know what I mean right?
Anyway she will be here til Monday and it rules!
I of course have not cleaned the place yet.
Hee, hee I am such a procrastinator - why can I not apply my work ethic to my household duties?
I will never now...
The money thing is resolving itself and we have our inspection tonight.
I am home w/the Boo and cleaning.
I am so excited to have a deck and a yard I can't tell you.
It will make all this crap so worth it.
I can't imagine the people who get married then immediately buy a house - we would be divorced by now.
Luckily we are late bloomers on everything.
I have also found a new addiction - not caffeine or sugar oh no much worse - Turkey Franks.
I am so odd...

Trying really hard...

Not to be negative anymore, but you notice just when you have yourself brushed off another thing hits you in the face?
Over the past year I have really been busting my ass to get my finances in order and for the first time in my life I am doing it and still having extra money.
That is until lately - over the course of this month I have lent my husband over $300 because he forgets about checks he writes.
I don't mind doing this becuase he would do it for me but his timing sucks.
My Mom is coming to visit and I have no money add to that because we are buying a house I can't even use my credit cards to buy dinners.
SUCKS...

Winona

Chris and I went and visited his Dad this weekend. In doing so I got to see Winona MN. That is how far up north Chris's Dad lives!
It is so beautiful up there. Chris's Dad lives literally two minutes from a river and it is breathtaking. If I knew how I would live I would move there.
I can't imagine living that close the the beautiful outdoors. His Dad has an amazing piece of property. Great house but just a tad on the bachelor pad side. (I had to restrain myself from kicking the boys out and cleaning)
Let me just add I wore my flip flops all weekend.
EW...

Regardless his Dad was more than wonderful and sent us home with a bunch of goodies we don't need but appreciate.
It was the break I needed.
Bonus Mr. Max got to come along and was an absolute Angel.

Thankyou Winona for clearing my head.

Finding Solace in little things...

With the pressure of what is going on right now I am find the littlest things are making me happy.
Like singing along with my iPod.
My friends and their blogs.
My animals.
Making jewelry
Junk food
Really bad TV
Summer mini series
A good book
The sun
I could go on, but I guess what I want to say is thank you all for providing me the vodka to go with my lemonade and encouraging me to breathe.
It has helped a lot.

Want to run away...

From everything.
Stress level = 20.
X a billion.

Got the double whammy today.
Not only did our offer get flat out refused my Grandma is very sick.
I just want to bolt.
I can't handle all of this at once. If it was just the house or just my Grandma I think I could manage but I just feel so overwhelmed and now where to go with any of this but to cry.
And I am really sick of crying...

Attitude adjustment...

So today has been stress level 10.
The house we put a solid offer on - the guy rented.
Is that even legal?
So now we have a month to find a home.
My grandma is in the hospital.
And work was crazy.
I so need a stiff tall drink....

Guilt Level 10 and Growing...

So because we are trying to buy a house my Mom has taken to emailing me.
Which is fine but my family has a tendency to even email things that really I would rather hear on the phone.
For example the fact that my Grandmother fell and broke her wrist and in the process had another stroke.
In the last 5 years my Grandma has had two strokes, been put on dialysis, and has had the left side of her body suffer slight paralysis. She is still a trooper and sends these great sassy email jokes and reminds me that I need to come visit.
Haven't seen her in almost 2 years.
This is where the guilt comes in.

She and my Grandpa love my husband and we have been trying to schedule time to go visit but with our work schedules and money situations we just haven't been able to do it.

Now I find out this morning my Grandma is not doing well at all.
All the should haves are running through my head.

My grandma was the lady who told me about all the things I couldn't ask my parents.
She inspired my love of shoes and costume jewelry and really anything with a sparkle.
She taught me you can still be tough and be a lady. Being little isn't a bad thing.
It is ok to dye your hair.
There is such a thing as unconditional love.
It is great to live by the beat of your own drummer and she will be the one person (besides my Grandpa) who will support me in it.
She is so much to me and I feel like I have failed her by not spending more time with her and letting her know.

Helpless...

I can not sleep.
Want to - can't.
Too much on my brain.
Like the fact my best friend is having extreme trauma at work and it really is completely unbelievable and I can't fix it.
And I hate that. I want to make it better and I can't.
I feel like listening isn't enough.
I want to scream and yell and storm her workplace and demand them to apologize.
What is more shocking this is not a corporate America company.
It is a non profit and they blow....
As a company they have broken so many commonly known laws of HR it is sick.
The best example - throwing a stapler at a coworker = fine.
Emailing sarcastically about raises = grounds for threats of termination.
How some people get positions of power I will never know...