Soon a New Year

I can not believe we are on the verge of 2006. Remember when you were little and you thought the 90's seemed so far away?
Crazy...
Here is hoping the New Year is a good one.

Wherein the pen meets my Eye...

Oh to be on vacation. Instead I am at the day job all week and the part time job all weekend. I know I shouldn't complain the extra money is nice but so are my weekends, and I miss my husband. You know?

Work was rough. I really like my new coworker. I had a person who didn't change their address w/the post office pitch a fit because they did not receive their check. After said person left I asked Dan if I could swear he said go for it. I have not swore like that in a long time.
Felt good.

I recommend it. :)
Swear you will like it.

Happy Holidays

I had today off and got to spend some time w/Bethie. We did some shopping at the shops in my town and had a great lunch. Tomorrow Chris's Dad will be here to spend Christmas with us and thankfully I have the 26th off. Unfortunately I think I will be working all New Years at the radio station, so no kiss from my honeyat midnight.

I am so excited for tomorrow I am going to continue my cookie baking kick and enjoy our Christmas decorations.

Happy Holidays to everyone - my Christmas wish? Listen to the new song by the Goo Goo Dolls Better Days I think that sums it up.

Add It Up

My Christmas shopping is almost done and here I am at the place I was before.
Poor...
However I was able to really do some special things for people that I normally don't get to. So I won't get down about this too much. As I am well aware of myself I seem to always land on my feet. Not necesarily gracefully but I do land.

I have had the last 2 days off and it has been lovely. I have mostly been running errands but it has been great just to have that time. I bonded w/my dog. Also went crazy on the cookie supply purchases. I am going to bake tomorrow. Pretty excited. This will be my first try at this but I know it is a tradition of my husband's.

I would be remiss if I didn't say how badly I miss my folks. I try not to go there right now. I am trying not to unleash my triggers so to speak.
I am not going to lay myself completely bare here so I will just end.

Besides I hear another chick flick calling my name.

One thing down a bunch to go...

So cards are close to being done. We still have a few stragglers but for the most aprt they should be in the mail tomorrow. I have decided to wait until Friday to mail my Mom's gift. I will just have to pay a ton to get it to her on time. UGH
Also not done w/shopping oops...It will all work itself out.

Again I am so excited for my vacation!

Where does the time go?

I am trying not to freak out here but I would like to mention - we have not sent out our Christmas cards!!!
And I have not sent out my Mom's final present.
Breathe, breathe...
However I have 2 days off this week so I am going to try and wrap everything up.
Wish me luck.

Christmas - It is Coming...

My Dad was here and we celebrated my birthday at my favorite restaurant. It was very bittersweet. I hardly ever see my Dad and to be honest 3 hours is not enough. Just makes me miss them more you know? Especially around the holidays. Thanksgiving not as much. Christmas a ton. No matter what our financial situation Christmas(s) in my house were always so cool.

Our house was always decorated and there were tons of cookies around. It was just magical. My family very much believes in gifts with meaning not a high ticket price. So every year we would see who could get the cooler gifts. One year it was the cheesiest. I won. I got my Dad a velvet Elvis painting. It was just fun. I hope when I have kids they realize it really is about the magic of it all. Making those around you smile and appreciating what you have and of course celebrating the birth of the big guy who gave us all those things.

Hopefully next year I will get to be with my folks. For now my animals, husband, and father in law will do just fine.

Special Visit

My Dad is in town for week this week. Normally that would mean I would not see him or get a call from him because his company believes in working everything. His evenings end late and his mornings start early.
This trip he is coming to see me. Might have something to do w/my birthday but regardless it is nice to see my Dad. I love my Mom to pieces but if you met my Dad, well it becomes obvious who I favor. My Dad taught me to appreciate a good book, good music, and good coffee. Three things I enjoy thoroughly.
He also taught me some pretty sucky life lessons but you need those too right?
My favorite story about my Dad.
He is a story teller my whole family story tellers...
One year during elementary school he had my convinced that he was John Lennon. So much so that I took my Sgt. Pepper's album to gradeschool and told my class my Dad was John Lennon. I also believed he was a member of the Band.
Anyway...
that is my Dad and I can't wait to see him.
He has had a tough time loosing his Mom and I know as a result he is making time for all of us because like it or not you don't always have enough.

Modified Business Hours Rule!!!!

So the last couple of days not only have I been able to wear jeans, but I also get to work between 8-3. It is amazing what sleeping in and leaving early can do for your disposition!!!
Seriously...

It is snowing like crazy here and of course no plowed roads. I made it home ok despite mutliple accidents and idiots.
Took Mr. Max outside and we played in the snow, my dog likes whitewashes.
So funny.

Now time to put on my comfy clothes and knit.
I love Wisconsin.

Happy Thanksgiving and Life gets in the way...

So I have frantically trying to write a novel as a part of the annual November novel blog contest. 50,000 words in a month. So I am not there, life got in the way.

But I got started and have been keeping it up, I will certainly not make my deadline but I am going to continue. And maybe instead of reading what I wrote on my blog you will read it in print, real print the kind you have to pay for.

I am so glad for today it is a break that I always enjoy. Food and relaxation - what a great holiday. Right? It is just Chris and I this year. As it was last year and we are eating, watching football and putting up Christmas decorations. It is a good thing.

It has been a rough couple of months for us and through it all my husband has been amazing.
I am not sure what I did to get him but I am thankful for him.
And you my friends.
Thank you.

Happy Turkey day although we will be eating little hens!

Taking a Little Siesta

It is NaWriMO time... that means I am going to try and write a novel.
If you are nice I might share it w/you.
What that means... a little break from this blog.
Wish me luck.

Big Sigh of Relief

Even though I have been sick, work has been good. I really do have nice coworkers. They bought my cold medicine, soda and food. Have gone out of their way to take care of me.
Also my boss was cool when I told her the new position was not for me.
I have had some rocky times but honestly if has been worth it to get here.
And so we sigh.
Ahhhh....

For Once it was not just a cold...

So every year about this time I get several colds that hang on. Blame it on a job where I deal w/a ton of people and oh yes I don't take care of myself.
Well... this year my cold lasted for 2 weeks, I didn't get better and I started becoming short of breath. At the urging of my coworker this morning I went to the Urgent Care center next store.
There I found out I have a severe sinus infection and the beginnings of Whooping Cough. If I had let it go I would have go any further I would have full blown Whooping Cough. Nice.
I know am the owner of an inhaler and am on antibiotics for a week. Antibiotics which by the way have horrible side effects. I won't go there but let's just say can't take them until I am home.
YUCK.
The one good thing, I had a in your face moment w/my boss. Last week she treated me like I was faking it. Well I wasn't, I knew I wasn't but it was nice to have a doctor's backing.
And a pass for the day off.

I am probably going to a Special Kind of Hell

Why you may ask?
Well... I needed to change my address and get my plates renewed. So I thought I will take a lunch and go to the DMV. Two hours later...
Mind you I did not ask and oh yes this was my first full day of selling.
I will probably be fired on Monday.
It is not my fault the camera broke. Or that I let the nice lady talk me into a new drivers license.
God did punish me a little, my picture is horrible and I can never show it to my coworkers. They will figure it out.
I am going to burn.

Word to the Wise re: the word Yes

Don't say it unless you are behind it 100%
I did and I wasn't and no I am paying the price
Don't cry for me Argentina, as I have done enough for all of us

I Have a Curtain Addiction

I have a problem.
I am addicted to Window Treatments!!!
I bought new curtains for our bedroom, now for our living room and kitchen door.
My husband thinks it is cute.
Thank goodness.

I had a great talk w/my boss today over lunch.
It is amazing the people who reach out to you and notice when you think they aren't looking.

So now I take a deep breath and keep plugging along.

Sappy songs that make you cry...

Ever listen to a song and it compels you to relive a ton of emotions or overwhelms you to the point you start thinking about things you put in a box far away in your head?
I just had one of those moments, I would rather not go into what song as you might think I am a dork. Well you probably already do... :)
I am sitting on our bed putting together a collage and suddenly the song starts and I am flooded by all this emotion.
It is crazy. Right?
I really think lately I am loosing it. My stress level is at about 10. So much in my life is going right yet there is such a big chunk of me that is just so dark and blue. I really only let that side of me show to my husband. I think he is probably only the only person in my life who can handle it. Most everyone else in my life expects me to be the goof, the smiling girl, the one who is strong. Got news for everyone I am really not that strong especially lately. I told Chris tonight I wish I could just sleep for about a week. I know I am a lot more fortunate than most people, so I probably should shut up right? But I just feel so overwhelmed lately.
I feel like I have become this packaged, bland version of my former self. I know, I know, when we grow up we change. I get it, but I feel like I am so far removed from where I wanted to be when I got done with school you know?
But again, who isn't? You take what you can get, I feel like I haven't taken what I can get, I have taken what I thought would make my family happy.
Therein lies the problem. For so long I have done what I thought would make them happy, I have lost a little bit of me in the process. I like my pooch, am a people pleaser.
And it is killing me slowly.
Thus breaking down during cheesy songs. I am a dork.
I am really hoping the DJ thing will help me. For the longest time my life has been work period.
Now every week I have 3-4 hours where I can play silly 80's music and do something I love.
I think it is the kick in the pants I need. The other thing I am doing is trying to take better care of myself. I am not saying extreme makeover but maybe a little slimdown.
I pay for a club membership, I should use it.
You know?
So here it is from here on out... more things for me and mine. Less for those who don't matter.
Right, right?
Oh and no more sappy songs for awhile. :)

Curtains - who knew?

What a great weekend already and it is only Saturday. Our friends Paul and Nicole were in town and they were gracious enough to invite us to a wine tasting. Then we had a great steak dinner. I love just chilling like that.
Today Chris and I had a visit to the vet w/Max and then Petsmart. They had puppies rescued from hurricane Katrina, broke my heart. Got a call from Beth and we tried a new restaurant in Sun Prairie. It is called Puerto Marquez. You need to eat there. I loved it, so good!
Then I bought new curtains, crazy I know, I live on the edge. Our house is great but was owned by a boy who hunted, so I have been slowly trying to make it ours. Enter new curtains, it is amazing what a fancy window treatment can do to your living space.
It is lovely.
So much so I might go get a new pair for the living room!

Finally - I got hired.
I will be the newest voice of the Magic 98 weekends.
Suprisingly not overnights.
Fingers crossed.
I am excited!

Overnights? Again...

So I met w/potentially my new boss today.
We listened to my air check. I hate listening to myself - he was very complimentary. I was much harder on myself. I officially filled out an application and should know more by week's end. He asked my availability and it sounds like I may be on overnights again. I didn't expect a big daypart by any means but I am getting old!
As long as it isn't every weekend I think I can do it.
He still wants me to come up w/a name, I told him I have to use my first name. It would be too odd not to. So now I have been focusing on classic rock bands and their names to come up with a last name.
So far the favorites are:
Tyler
Richards

In other news my Mom is gone.
We had a tense visit, it is just really hard. My brother is there and I feel alienated a lot. I know it is not intentional but it happens.
Trying to deal with that the best I can.

I think I did ok...

I think it went well on Magic 98. (That is the station I may or may not be working at)
My possible future boss is meeting w/me on Wednesday for an air check.
I will know then my shifts and all that good stuff.
I will keep you all posted and thanks for all the well wishes...

I did it...

I had my first live ever radio audition.
Thankfully I was trained by one of my closest friends.
The format is different, the breaks are different, it was pretty scary.
Toward the end I started having fun but the first hour was rough.

I used my name but do need to come up with a last name.
Ugh...
I hope it works out as everyone seems nice and the time flies!
The pay is good and the opportunities are there.
Fingers crossed....

Should I change my name?

So today was the day and all went well.
I have never had someone give me such positive feedback,it felt great!
In case you were wondering I had an interview today - if all goes well this weekend I will be working part time at a radio station in Madison.
The format is Adult A/C not my alternative but I think I can do it.
I had such a pleasant interview, sad as it was I had an air check tape that was almost 10 years old. However, it must of conveyed my potential because I will be doing a live interview on Sunday.
I am a little nervous as Sundays are pretty popular at this station. Sundays at the 80's. HOORAH MY FAVORITE TIME!

Now the question: whose got a radio name for me?
Unfortunately my name is too unique for this format.
I was toying w/Kelli Richards as a ode to the Gin Blossoms...
Or maybe Iris (Goo Goo Dolls)
hmmm....
Fingers crossed!

Friday nights in the big city and visits from old friends...

Went out Friday night in my new hometown. I was a little hesitant due to fear of running in to those I didn't want to see. Once out I had a blast. Got to see some of my friends from college who I rarely see. My friend Tim who hosted a radio show after mine. He is such a nice guy. My gut from laughing and my tummy was upset from too much vodka.
Must learn to pace myself!
My biggest problem is that I don't realize I have had too much until I get home and by then well it is too late.
I think I will have to just instill a limit and stick to it to avoid such mishaps.
Still fun though.

Got a phonecall and my Mom is coming on Wed. My uncle (her older brother) passed away unexpectedly Friday. I don't know him very well except for holidays but I feel bad for my cousin. He is kind of all she has as her Mom is an absentee to say the least. She is married though and has a family so that has to help her right now.

It will be nice to see Mom but the reason is no good.
Tomorrow is the big day.
More to come.
Thanks for the well wishes.

Getting closer....

Have a suprise interview on Tuesday.
Will keep it at that but can not wait.
I have been away from this for awhile but if I can make this happen might be a few more smiles on my mug.
Less free time but more smiles...
As it gets closer I will unravel the mystery for you further.

Lazy Saturday..

So I went into to work today against my husband's wishes by doing so I was able to meet up with Beth. We hit the mall, shopped, talked, and read magazines.
I love just hanging with Beth it so nice to have a friend you can spend a bizzilion hours with and it doesn't feel that way.
She is under a lot of pressure right now and I wish there was more I can do.
She is a much braver girl than I am.
Now that hurricane Katrina isn't the top story people have begun loosing their compassion, including her university. They put a ton of ridiculous deadlines on her.
They head home tomorrow to survey the damage.
Everyone send out those positive thoughts, girl needs a break.

Living My Life

The last couple posts have been about making some changes.
So I have been, can I just say little things like leaving on time and taking lunches, wearing fun clothes to work- are things that are making me feel more like myself.

I don't need to change jobs to be happy. I need to change my attitude. My biggest issue is that I take jobs where I feel like I need to become what that workplace thinks I should be.
Yes and no.
Work ethic definitely.
Attitude sure... but how I look maybe not so much.
Who I question - need to be careful but my foundation of life was based on questioning authority.
I don't question enough - I assume because someone has years on me they know more, not necessarily.
I have things to contribute and I am capable.
I think somewhere along the way I forgot that.

I also forgot the joy of doing stupid things for myself.
Like taking the Cosmo quiz.
Eating cheese popcorn.
Reading a great book.
Cuddling with my honey.
Making my cat do a little dance.
Being me.

So I am going to be me.
I get a bonus in October and my reward for taking a lunch and leaving on time to myself - a new tattoo. (Beth we are so going together)
I am going to spend more time with my friends. (Ann I think we need to get planning our Halloween costumes - you can be Joan Jett and I will be Lita Ford or vice versa since we know Lita plays a mean guitar!)
My problem is I have made work my life and left my life behind.
It ends today - and it did a full lunch hour.
HOORAY!

Starting the path toward a change...

Chris and I had a great weekend.
Drinks, lots of grilled food, and visits from friends and family.
Also a great talk.
Like it or not my job - I let define me.
My husband the psych major said that would be why I am blue.
My job makes me not such a happy girl.
So I am going to try and find something new.
Like working w/kids.
You can do it without going back to school, unfortunately it means a paycut but as long as we can pay for my house and my car the rest will work itself out.
Besides that is what retail is for right? Part time jobs. :)
So my new quest begins finding my happy place - it has already started at home in the form of my lovely house. I love it, love my yard, neighbors, and hood.
Now I need a happy place away from work.
There is way too much drama there.
I know, I know drama everywhere but a little less drama would rule.

So wish me luck, this may all get me nowhere but it is worth it to try.

Ready to do something crazy...

So I am fast approaching my next birthday. I will be 34. Not huge but still I feel like I am fast approaching the time when I can't be too crazy and need to settle down. However I feel like I want to do something crazy. Like get a tattoo people can actually see.
Ok stupid I know but you ever feel like you have tamed yourself down prematurely when really your inner wild child is screaming to be let out?
I don't go out anymore.
I dress decidedly different.
My hair a little tame although I am going to this great girl who gets my angst and is helping me through it.
I know this is stupid right?
I wouldn't say it is a mid-life crisis just feel like a need a change.
A change that won't hurt others but will let the wild child out a little.

Martinis , Mayhem, and the Smoking Ban

I am a very sleepy girl today.
Last night was Beth's fundraiser at Fyfe's. Let us just say I am trucking on 4 hours sleep and a tummy full of Toasted Nut martinis and Mocha cake.
I woke up hungry and tired.
It was a long day but we had so much fun. If I can find my connector I will post the cutest picture - of course from last night.
There is nothing like laughing , good drinks, and your three best friends to make you realize how great you have.
The comedy was in response to Madison' s smoking ban.
So funny.

You will just have to guess what the mayhem part of the equation is.

And then the bottom fell out...

you know how there are times you are at work and you think "am i the only one who sees this person not doing what they are supposed to?"
so that has been how it has been for me for six months.
the person in question has been doing my job for 4 years
not necessarily correctly but i feel like i can't say anything, i have tried only to have it crash
well i was at our other office on Thursday to return Friday to a storm of questions i didn't feel comfortable answering.
i like this person they are nice but yup they are kind of slacking a little
needless to say my tummy is in knots...
too much drama
just want to go to work and come home - you know?

cause i love my house
i did yard work for almost 2 hours
i am sore but it was so great
than i put the smack down on the house cleaning
i enjoy being a homeowner :)

Ode to White Mocha and Night Blindness

So I started my morning at 6 and am just winding down... can I just say how much I enjoy my Starbucks? Love me some White Mocha. I know they are a chain and that is not cool but - what is cool no matter what city you are in you know that if you get a coffee in Wisconsin or Little Rock it will taste the same. Sometimes you need that. The familiar - lots of times when I am traveling it is not for good and it involves a lot of melancholy on my part. The fact that I have the constant makes me happy.
I know I am a dork.
Went to a party at Beth's Moms house and drove back during the dark. I am getting old and I can because not only could I not see when I drove home I drove slow and in the right lane the whole way. I am such a baby.
I am on my own tomorrow at work. I am looking forward to it. It has been a stressful week it will be nice to have a controlled stressful environment.
I am glad to have Beth here for awhile. Missed her so much.
I am just sorry for the circumstances.
AND BETH YOU ARE NOT PAYING ME BACK YOU DORK!?
I CAN'T NOT EVEN BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT!
UGH!

Shop til you drop...

Beth is back.
I managed to get her a job that she started today.
Took her shopping yesterday.
At least for now she is set.
Once it's colder we will deal - for right now she is set on clothes. It was fun to buy for someone else. The hardest part was talking her into stuff.
So while she went to get a lightbulb I paid for everything.
The look on her face was beyond worth it.

Worst night ever...

Because unfortunately ,I have inherited some of my Grandmother' s tact I won't rant like I would like to here. There have been enough hurt feelings for one evening.
However, can someone please explain to me why it is so difficult for people to have a little respect and consideration for others?!
I have never been quite as humiliated I was tonight and I hope I won't again.

What I do know.
I have 3 tremendous friends.
Thanks for listening and making me realize I am normal. :)

Miss Oprah

So... I was home sick today.
I hate missing work and I despise being ill and of course I can only seem to fall asleep in shifts.
Thankfully, I fell asleep during Dr. Phil (sorry Mom), however I was up for Oprah.
She is live in the regions impacted by hurricane Katrina. That woman is amazing...
She went places, and asked questions, and did things we all wanted to do.

She also pointed out to millions who have been wondering - how could this have happened?
I have always been a fan of hers. I know lots of people think she is overrated.
In my mind she did things today that our own president should have done.

It broke my heart but gave me hope.
Even if our president is not knowing what to do, there are many out there who do and are.

Another hopeful thing - talked to Beth. She should be here in a few days.
Safe.
Which in a time like now is the most important thing.
If you see her and Pokey throws poop at you , don't take it personally he has been through a lot for a hedgehog.

Do you need me to build you something?

So I have been on my own this weekend. Almost all of human contact has been via phone. So I have done some projects around the house.
4 loads of laundry.
Unpacking some of our living room, unpacking our kitchen and oh yeah - building a kitchen table.
That is right I built a rolling table.
With a Murphy's wrench no less.
My hand hurts but our kitchen is cute... :)

A Little Goes A Long Way

So as you all know my best girl Bethie has been unfortunately impacted by the hurricane. Beth is probably the nicest person you could ever meet. Life unfortunately doesn't use that in it's scoreboard and she tends to get the short end of the stick on a continuum.
However, I think in all of this she will be pleasantly surprised at all the love that is going to come her way.

They say what goes around comes around. This is no exception. All of us that know her don't have much but what we do have we are giving to her.
It is by far the most amazing and sweetest thing I have ever been a part of.
There are some pretty remarkable people out there. I am so lucky to know a good chunk of them!

For those of you who have contacted me about Beth - I will try to get in touch w/you without anyone having to leave their email address hanging out on my blog.
We will get this organized and figured out.
And I can't say enough how amazing you all are!

Still no word...

My best girl Beth had recently become a New Orleans resident. Last I heard she was safe in Dallas. However, I haven't heard from her in 2 days which is cause for concern as I know she is on the last legs of money to get home.
I went and grabbed lunch at my local McDon's and they had CNN on.... if I were a reporter there I would be giving these people my water and food, letting them have my supplies not filming while someone is crying out for water.
What has our world come to?
Do we enjoy seeing others suffer that much?

My husband and I keep debating calling the Red Cross and going and helping. Me with my weak heart and bad eyes. :) My husband who gets winded going downstairs. I feel very helpless and like money is not enough. I have an acquaintance who called the Red Cross and volunteered to drive his flatbed down south loaded with supplies to help out. They called him on Friday, he is going to call me on Tuesday and tell me if he is going.

I wish I had the ability to do something like that. Unfortunately, all I can do is get together a care package for when Beth and Chris get here. We have been frantically unpacking our new home so they have room to stay. I have been fighting my fear of basements to clean ours up - if they need more space. I have been keeping my eye out for sales so I can get Beth some clothes that match as that is the one thing she would love to do right now. Match.
I don't' make a lot of money but what extra we have we are giving to Beth and Chris so they can start to feel as normal as people who have lost everything can.

With that I guess I challenge you reading this.
Instead of buying a coffee or a shirt that is on sale take that money and give it to the Red Cross, if you don't have the money give blood.
A little right now will go a long way.
Besides I don't need my White Mocha Grande, my girl needs stuff.

Do what you can - cause our government is dropping the ball, maybe as a people we can pick it up.

Sea of Sadness

I have decided to boycott the news, at least the news from television.
I can't handle the way our media treats things as if they are novelty. We are talking about human beings... why are we not able to show our own citizens the same compassion we showed the victims of the Tsunami?
It is breaking my heart.
What else is breaking my heart is how the despair has turned people against each other. What does beating and raping someone solve? Does it make you any less thirsty, hungry, or desperate?

I am just beyond relieved Beth is somewhere safe. But her life is lost as are millions. I can't imagine. I wish I could fix it but I am one person. So I am going to start small. I am going to give Beth stuff, find her a job, and offer up my home.
It is the best I can do right now.

Now if everyone had that mentality - just imagine the good we do for those poor, suffering, people.

Remember to be thankful for where you are and what you have.
Especially right now when there are so many without.

And now for my political commentary:
And vote democrats next time for Pete's Sake!
No more Bushes!!!
If we had the boys in Iraq here instead of there just think of how much chaos could have been prevented?! It make things even more painful...

Fin

We are finally out of the old apt.
So glad.... I am sure we will not see a dime of our security deposit as at the end we just quit caring we knew we had a house.

However, with the devastation of Hurricane Katrina and the impact it is having on my friends and family I realize - stuff is good but people are better.

To everyone who is being impacted by this or knows someone who is sending out the positive vibe. Beth and Chris were going to try and return back to their city yet today and it scares me a lot. They live right in the heart of all the crazy looting and flooding. Fingers crossed all is well. My friend Ann has an uncle who is actually working on stopping the flooding - send the good vibes his way as well. And be thankful we live in the Midwest. I know, I know we get tornadoes and snow but we have basements and snow plows. By no means foolproof but can you imagine a natural disaster so hardcore that people have to find shelter in a football stadium? And it causes looting?

Much love my peeps.

Longest week ever

I am so tired people I can not even begin to explain.
We still have a few more loads left at our apt and I have barely made a dent here.
Luckily we have Labor Day weekend coming up.
So excited, my goal is by the end of the weekend to have my house mostly in order.

It has been a struggle between Chris and I as his organization skills leave something to be desired. We had movers but because he wasn't ready - well here we are.

It is all good though. The ultimate outcome will be this great house and yard.
It is a lot of work but so nice to have a quiet place that is ours.

However I can honestly say I am done w/the fast food. :)

Heard from Beth and she is in the midst of a hurricane. That has to blow, move to a new town, don't know anyone and oh yes there is a hurricane.
Everyone send her good thoughts that she will be ok.

My Grandpa is hanging in there. It hasn't been quite a month since we lost my Grandma but you can hear it in his voice - he is feeling a little better. Unfortunately my aunt has been in the hospital for over a week. She now has pneumonia.

Well peeps I have lots to do so I need to go do it.

Civilization!

We know have a ground line and internet here at the new house.
It is nice to be connected again. And cable - it is a little sad how much we rely on electronics.

So ... my worries have been confirmed. My Aunt was admitted to the hospital on Monday night. She was in questionable health prior to everything w/my Grandma and I am assuming that the added pressure pushed her over. They aren't really sure what is going on but they have been running a ton of tests.

These ties in to our electronics in that I found out via email.
I am thinking of her but trying to get the house in order truly is helping.

It is going to be hard returning to work.
I am enjoying being a mini homemaker.

Still a little sore

Chris's grandma called tonight to invite us to see them over Labor Day. Which is really nice, unfortunately I couldn't talk to her. I frantically got Chris and just silently handed him the phone. I then ran upstairs and cried.
I miss her so much.
I worry about my Grandpa and my aunt.
I know I should be excited tomorrow is our first night at the new house but right now I just feel a little sad...

Procrastination can really be a bad thing

Case in point - we just start packing yesterday.
Oops... the movers will be here on Monday. We actually have taken two carloads over ourselves. My husband is hell bent on just letting the movers move furniture and nothing else.
I am slowly melting and my stress level is high as a result. We both are at the point where we can't stand being in our apt.
The minute we walk into the house - we both just brighten.
It is small but it is so great and we seriously have a great yard.
Can not wait to fire up the grill and sit on our deck.
HOORAY!

It is Official

We are homeowners!
So exciting, we already took a carload over today.
Going to hopefully wrap up packing tomorrow and do two loads a day.
The movers come on Tuesday and they can deal w/the rest :)
Our seller was such a sweetie and left behind some nice storage stuff for us.

It is weird to think - we have a yard!?

On the flipside glad we didn't buy in Stoughton.
My boss's old house was hit.
Feel so bad for those people.
Can't even imagine...

Two Days and Counting

Til the big move.
We are getting nervous and we have been too beat to pack and oh did I mention?
Our lender is out of town til Friday so we have no idea how much money we need to bring to closing.
Can I just say Friday at 4 pm can not come soon enough?

Just six days...

Until we are homeowners - I am so excited.
It is nice to have this to look forward to. It has been a rough couple of weeks.
On Tuesday my best bud Bethie is leaving me...
Needless to say I have been a slacker... no packing for me.
So bad, Chris predicted we would wait til the last minute and here we are.
My husband is a very on the money when it comes to us.
I look at it this way - I do my best work under pressure. :)

What the?!

Ok how the hell did I get blog spam?!
And hello... after reading my blog I might need to advance my life a bit?!
I say good day.

Kind of Made It...

So today was my first day back in the real world.
It was a little rough and I had a few moments of wanting to run not walk away from a couple of situations today. As well as tell a couple of people where to go.

In the process of it all my friend Beth had her birthday slash going away party. It was so good to see everyone. In knowing Beth as long as I have we have come to have a lot of mutual friends. All of whom are wonderful. Of course they know Beth. However I think I put my foot in it w/one of them tonight. One of our dear friends used to work for Clear Channel. It goes without saying they treated her poorly - well now I am talking to one of their PD's about working there part time. I mentioned it to her tonight and I could see right away that was a mistake. My biggest fear is that she would run into someone and they would tell her. I just couldn't let that happen. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings but I think I did. I just feel like lately I can't get much right. You know?
Maybe it is all the emotion left over from the past week.

Still not ready to let loose about that yet.
I should but I can't.
Chris has heard most of it and Beth a big chunk.
I just have never lost someone I was this close to before. It feels kind of raw. I am also very worried about my Grandpa. They were married for 53 yrs. 53! I can't imagine.
I worry he is not going to know what to with himself.
I suppose I should redirect my worry toward getting ready for bed.

Arkansas

I went to my second home this week. It was an unexpected trip, that honestly I should have seen coming but chose to ignore.
My Grandma finally "went home" as they say Monday night.
I am not going to go into details right now and don't know when I will.

It all hurts a lot, but on the same token it was so great to see my family.
I have the best family in the world, granted I am biased.
Also, have some great friends - Beth listened to my hysterics and Lori and Alise got me out the door on Tuesday afternoon. I just hope my parents don't freak out when they hear their messages. I will possibly explain that later.

It was all so bittersweet - I love Arkansas because of my family and the memories but without my Grandma there I don't think it will ever be the same.

Popcorn and a Gallon of Soda please...

So I did something sassy today. I left work on time. I know that sounds like something we all should do but in my workplace not staying late can be frowned upon. Even when I come in at 6:50 AM. Which I did...
Beth is moving, I was tired - I wanted to hang w/my best friend.
Granted this means tomorrow will be a long day but big whoop.
Beth and I went and saw Must Love Dogs. By no means an Oscar winner, but who doesn' t love them some John Cusak and Diane Lane? I can only hope to age that beautifully...
Of course we couldn't just go to a movie, so we hit Barnes and Noble - gorged on food we did not need and made ourselves ill. So we walked around and looked at books.
Who am I going to do this with in a few weeks?
Who people? I can spend literally days w/Beth talking about anything. She can rip on me and it does not piss me off. IE -" since I have known you you have said you are going to send in an air check tape. When are you going to do it? "
yo.
She reads like I do and always recommends tremendous books. She doesn't think I am a dork for wanting to get a tattoo of a name from one of my favorite John Irving books.
I do and plan to when I have some extra dough.
She is my girl and it sucks that she is leaving.

And at the same time so happy! She has a great job waiting for her and school is covered. So exciting. And what a place to visit.
Can not wait to visit!!!

I have never had a friend like her and it is sad that my Beth is going to be far away.
As they say - I will survive.
And besides isn't that what email is for? And airplanes, and telephones... and paper...

No Way To Be

Have been getting daily status reports on my Grandma.
All I can say is no one should have to go out like this.
And no one should have to see it and try to deal with it.
It is simply frightening - my Grandma deserves to go out w/dignity and just is not happening.

Do you have a steel plate in your head?

Oh the conversations we have at work!
Since there are only 3 of us. Things get out of hand, especially when it is after hours of operation. We had a blitz day which means we pounded the pavement.
It was a little scary but we did it in teams and had a fun theme so it was hard for people to be mean.
Anyway we were all a little slap happy at the end of the day. Since I am still relatively new there are things my coworkers don't know about me.
I disclosed some things tonight and they dubbed me interesting and proceeded to grill me.
Not in a bad way - just maybe now they know why I tick like I do and frankly vice versa.
We had an interesting convo about Mothers.
Yikes - my Mom rules people.
And boys.
And college
And underage drinking.
Let us just say as much as I get irritated w/my coworkers I also really like them too.
After today I think I understand them so much more and that being said I think my life will be a lot easier there.
Since we pounded today though we got nothing done and we got lots to do. Good think I like them because we will all be hanging together late again tomorrow.

Hamburger and books...

As I am checking my email my husband is making hamburger helper and it is currently in pre-helper stage and I so badly want to filch some cooked hamburger- it smells so good!

I have turned into an addict - books.
I was packing and found 6 books I forgot I bought and have not yet read.
My compulsion used to be shoes but now w/a Barnes Noble and Half Price Books literally blocks from work my new stress shopping is books.
Is this bad?

I am reading a book right now called Under the Skin. It is by Michael Farber it is actually the first book he wrote. He also wrote the Crimson Petal and The White.
I have always wanted to be a writer and when I read novels like his and John Irving's it reminds me why.
Now if only I would quit be lazy and get writing...

Bob Geldof knew...

... what he was talking about when he wrote the song "I don't like Mondays." Granted it is based on a very tragic event - however some of the lyrics ring true.
Today was that day.
Had a fabu weekend.
Chris and I went and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I was a little worried because I loved the original but having read the book. Tim Burton did good. Loved it!
So funny.
Then I was treated to a homemade meal.
Worked all weekend - 3 hours at Adecco and almost 7 w/Beth at her craftactular. Her Mom was sweet enough to hang w/me and I got some cool crafts out of it.

Today work blew and we leave it at that.
Double whammy - my Grandma's doctors made the final decision to take her off dialysis.
With that I go eat some junk food...

It is final a done deal...

We will be owning a home. We move in August and I can't wait. So excited to have our space but we still have so much packing to do it is not even funny. Knowing how we are I have this fear that we will pack the four days before the movers come and not in advance.
I can't believe I am going to have a yard. Such a nice feeling. And no upstairs neighbors. That could be my favorite part. No wait the two bathrooms is. :)

I have to go into work today and I would like to be home at a decent hour so I should keep this short.

ARRRGHHHH!!!

So did anyone know there was a full moon?
There was and it sure has impacted my life.
This morning on my way into work I hit what I don't know but something so hard I got a flat and my tire literally separated from the hubcap. Luckily I was on the main drag and was able to pull into a parking lot. I went and called a tow truck - the guy was sweet enough to put my spare on and off to a tire dealer. 3 hours and almost $200 later I am on my way to work.

Once at work I am told my focus for the day is to find someone to start at a client ASAP. A client that frankly burns through our people like a my dog and an unguarded box of treats. I also was talked to about my quick frustration level.
When I am angry I cry.
'Cause if I show my temper - it ain't pretty.
I got through it all and my boss and I had a hilarious back and forth quoting Napoleon Dynamite. But the thing is - I feel bad I am perceived as weak. I hate that I let people get to me.
I need a class for bad asses in training :)

Everybody is ready for the weekend, again...

Had such a great weekend I want it to be here again.
We had dinner out twice which is always a treat and we got to visit with Ann and Dan.
They did a mini day trip and it was so great to see them. We took them to our favorite burger place - Griff's.
We love it there but it is a family owned restaurant so the visits can be interesting to say the least. The owner's son who basically runs it, is the happiest person you ever met. We discussed on the walk back how he needs more flair. On the walk there Annie and I were discussing the similarities between our spouses. They walk the same, stand the same, are built the same and are both two of the sweetest men you will ever meet. I told Annie they are both so different from the guys we fawned over in college - and thank goodness for that!!!

I love my friends so much and it meant so much to me that they would make time out to see me. They also helped me solve my ongoing dilemma about going back into radio. Not going to do it. I pride myself on being an aging punk. Not necessarily outwardly but inwardly- in that I do what I believe in - and I don't believe in commercial radio. It is not fun for me and frankly I don' t think I am that good at it anymore or to be honest ever was. So I am going to focus that energy on other things like myself, my husband, and my zoo.

Max was such a good boy this weekend. He of course drooled on everyone but that is because he loves them so much!

Found an unlikely stress reliever tonight. My iPod and an incumbent bike at the health club. I am so relaxed!!!

Hoping to see Ann, Dan and Paulie and Nichole in a few weeks, as well as see the debut performance of Ann in Paul's band.
Should be fun. Always is.
I suppose,my dog is freaking out and my cats need some water.
Thank you Ann and Dan for being my friends and making me feel like it is ok to be me. :)

Laziness Level - HIGH

Ever have one of those days where even though you are work working you think I can't wait get home and do nothing.
I am having one of those days and unfortunately they are showing our apartment so I need to kick it in gear and clean.
Can't wait til the weekend.
Oh wait... then I have to pack.
Oh well :)

Weird Food...

Depression makes you do crazy things.
Like loose it at work.
Or got to Woodman's and buy the following:
Nutella
Caviar
Smoked Salmon
Diet Dr. Pepper
Little Debbies
Eggs
Ritz
Liver Pate
And eat them - mind you not at once.... those are foods that in one way or another make me think of my family. My boss encouraged me to take a day and get my head on straight.
So I am - cause in the coming week I am going to have to dust myself off and deal w/some pretty rough stuff....

LS Grandma...

So I have been blogging on and off about my Grandma. She has several serious health issues recently and Thursday it all came to a head.
She and my family have decided she just can't take much more of the way things are anymore and are taking her off of dialysis. They actually did on Thursday. I knew things were bad but chose to look the other way. However now I have to face it head on and I am a little afraid.
The average person only lives about 8 days after they stop dialysis, they stopped on Thursday. Bear in mind my Grandma has no functioning kidneys to speak off as a result of her other health problems. Due to her age and her condition she is certainly not a canidate for a transplant and frankly at this point she has made it clear she is done w/surgeries.
She has gone from a vibrant, funny woman who emailed me jokes and weather/family updates everyday to someone who rarely has moments when she is lucid. She is confined to a wheelchair and is loosing control of basic functions. Anyone who knows her knows that is not her.
So she has decided she is ready to go.
I am still trying to wrap my head around it all and have had long talks w/both my parents and my Grandfather. My Dad just got back from seeing her and he said he made peace with this happening then and feels bad that wasn't the impression given to me.
It probably was I just chose not to see it. I am a very emotional person, everything rides so close to the surface and I think I thought if I fessed up to it I would not be able to function.
So here I am blogging like a mad woman.
My Grandmother would like something I wrote about her, read during her memorial, and I said to my Grandfather if possible I would be honored to read it. My other concerns are we have so much going on here I feel bad leaving. However I would feel worse if I didn't.
She made me who I am - how can you not pay respect to that.

Small Hands...

This week has been CRAZY - work, house, bleck... won't even go there.
Things that are cool however - my lovely friend Ann is going to be in my neck of the woods in a mere 8 days which means I get to see her. Love it.
Things that are cool but my selfish side is pouting about - Beth got into grad school in New Orleans which is really great. But really sad. SHE IS MY BUD. We talk almost everyday and see each other every week. I am not sure what I am going to do with out her. I know to some people that may sound very selfish and well... a little codependent but she is MY BUD.

She is the girl w/whom I can have this night:
Dinner at an Irish pub downtown w/drinks that grow hair on one's chest. ATTRACTIVE. Oh and did I mention they sat us in the corner. Apparently my I love Geeks shirt w/Millhouse on it offended them. Whatever.
Then off to the Paradise for a Spotted Cow. Where we decided that bar is much more fun when it is late. Too many scary old drunk people that time of day. They thought we were there because of the art fair. To which Beth commented come here at night bitch... :)
Then a walk to the capital and around the square. We saw this woman with Flock of Seagulls hair and of course Beth sang I ran to me. To which we got an old gay man very upset and repeatedly said we were obnoxious. Hey I got an idea don't walk so close behind me you can hear my every word I am whispering to my friend.
We sobered up and headed to the carnival in the mall parking lot. Beth's grandparents were carnies so she loves them. She knows all sorts of interesting carnie facts and knows what to do at a carnival. Even though I hate heights we rode the Ferris wheel. Of course more singing - "Once, twice, three, twenty times a lady. " When we got on I asked Beth how many rides she thought we would get - she said two - then it was three and then the guy forgot about us til finally someone else wanted a ride. THANK GOD.
We talked to this very nice lady who ran the balloon dart game and she gave me a deal - 2 darts for $2 it is supposed to be $2 for one. I of course popped both my balloons and one a bobblehead dog. The lady was really nice and congratulated me. What I felt bad about - my brother's favorite thing to do as a kid was take me to the local fair and make me win him prizes. Because I rule at the dart balloon game. As long as the tips are metal - it is all good. It got to the point where the fair we went to wouldn't let me play anymore. Now ask me to play darts in a bar w/a plastic tip - I suck.
Then Beth introduced me to a funnel cake. That is right I have never had a funnel cake.
Oh my so good.
Thank you for that intro. My hips curse you but my tummy thanks you.
We had so much fun and we always do.
I can sing and laugh, cry, and dance with Beth. I can be the most true and honest me I can be with her and I am going to miss that.
BUT - I am so happy for her. She deserves this so much and Chris is such an excellent chef that somewhere like New Orleans will equal nothing but good things for them.
Besides New Orleans and Beth - oh my the trouble I can get into and the songs we can sing.

Good Times...

So the weekends for me no matter what the holiday mean at least one day w/my good friend Beth. We almost always get a meal together then crunch in a movie and some shopping.
unfortunately for Beth these romps usually occur after I have consumed an ungodly amount of coffee. Like today for example.
Since my mornings consist of lounging and gorging on Reese cereal and coffee - it goes without saying I nearly give myself a heart attack every weekend. So of course every weekend when we go anywhere we have to sit and let me drink a ton of water to slow my heartbeat.
As we did today. :) We then went and saw the funniest movie ever it is a documentary called Mad Hot Ballroom. So funny it is about the ballroom dancing contest held for elementary school kids in New York every year. Can I just say - I love kids. Just solidified how badly I want to go back and get my teaching certificate. Granted now because of changes in regulations it will take me 4 years but that is ok. The kids were funny and sweet and my favorite school of the three won. I also fell in love with this little Dominican kid named Wilson. I am normally not a documentary person but this was well worth it.
Then of course it was off to the craft store.
We always seem to get there as they are about to close. Beth unlike myself does not care if we only have 15 minutes - she will shop til whenever. I am not that bold.
Should be but am not...
Tomorrow is fireworks near our house and we are looking forward to it then back to the grind. It has been such a great weekend can't complain.

Fingers crossed...

So we are back looking at houses again. The one in Cottage Grove was a bust. Which in reality was a blessing in disguise.
We were set to look at 9 today but only made through 3. The third one was the one. The first one was a close second. The second one blew...
We won't even to go into the laundry list reasons as to why. Let us just say GROSS is being gentle. The house that we put an offer on was a fluke - our realtor was relayed our tale of house buying woe to her coworkers so they have been giving her addresses that we would want to check out. The house we looked at isn't even listed yet. I am very scared because of our two previous experiences but you know what? I am so used to bad that if it turns out good it will be a wonderful surprise.
Bonus - our landlord has extended our lease so no van by the river and our financing is a go.
So really aside from not having a house - we are doing good!
Keep your fingers crossed and send us well wishes - if all goes well we will invite you over for brats and beer in our new beautiful backyard!

Living in a Van Down by the River

One of my favorite all time Saturday Night Live characters was Chris Farley's inspirational speaker. He lived in a van down by the river. I think because of a divorce and loosing his shirt.
We might be living in a van because we had to totally change the offer on our house.
Just too much damage that frankly we can't afford to fix without some help.
So we wait.
Our realtor point blank asked what we would do.
Camp out at work?!
Our lease is up at the end of the month and w/family states away this could get ugly.
And of course we don't have a whole lot of extra cash flow - cause we are buying a house!!!

We will know if it's a done deal by tonight.
If you come visit and I am in a van down by the river - don't laugh. :)

Mamasita Part Tres

Just got off the phone with Mom.
Miss her already.
My Dad and brother are glad to have her back though.

I got scolded a little for spilling the beans on some of our craziness on Saturday to my Dad.
The best way to describe Saturday :
Siblings gone wild. My Mom comes from a family of 11 and about half were at my uncle's. We all were seated in a circle and would get up solely for food and beverages. Lots of beverages. Lots of homemade wine, gin and tonics, and beer. I attempted to call my friend Beth and was laughing so hard I could barely talk. The stories they tell when they are together are funny anyway but add alcohol - they should have a show. I would watch it. :)

The part I didn't share w/my Dad - was my Mom taking me around my aunt's house which was her family's as a teenager and telling me about the dreams she had as a kid. Taking me to the old stone barn where she met her first love and holding my hand the whole time. Showing me the window she used to look out of, the creek she used to play in. Telling me how proud she is of me. She never tells me that stuff and she told me all weekend, I am still a little shocked by it all. It was beyond special and its ours. Now yours. I only hope when I have kids I can be this cool and wonderful and amazing.

I think my Dad was a little jealous - because of his job we just don't get to spend much time together. We barely are able to talk on the phone. When I was a kid he was it as far as I was concerned. Now I have that relationship w/my Mom. Girl can't help it she rules.

And now she is gone :)

My favorite person in the world has left Madtown. My Mom. Had a great weekend with my her. It is amazing to me how many people I know who would prefer torture tickling to hanging w/Moms. About 5 years ago I was that person. Then my parents started their round the world tour and I have been missing them ever since. In the last 2 years my Mom and I have really bonded. Me planning a wedding and her being married to someone who lived mostly in England for a year and half brought us together.
Now I don't want her to go.

Our first night we were pretty mellow. Then Friday we watched this terribly melodramatic miniseries we are both hooked on and she introduced me to my new favorite wine - Fat Bastard. YUM. She discovered it in France. Thank you France. Oh and there was shopping.

Saturday - my cousin's wedding. SHE HAD A WEDDING PARTY OF 16!!! Insane. She looked great and at the end of the ceremony they did the polka to On Wisconsin. So cute. Then we had a dry reception. Literally no liquor followed by craziness at my uncles. My uncle makes homemade wine. I think that lets you know where the evening went. Needless to say we crashed at my aunts who live nearby. Not such a bad thing except they have 5 cats and I slept on a loveseat shorter than me. I am 5 foot 2 inches - people that is amazing!

So yesterday we crashed hard. We went for a walk and rented movies and hung out.
It ruled.
Today she hung w/another aunt and her best friend then she picked me up from work early and we sat and talked in the mall. We had this elaborate plan to eat at the airport before her flight and visit, and of course her flight got switched. So I had about 10 minutes w/her and she was gone.
I bawled and felt like an idiot and she said to stop because she didn't want to cry. That just made me cry more. So she hugged me and I asked her to stay. Earlier I had threatened to throw myself at her and scream PLEASE DONT GO, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME. Kind of wish I had.

I guess all of this post is saying is this : I am so lucky.
No matter how blue things are and how down I feel I have one awesome, kick- ass Mom.
I don't know how I got such great parents but whoever had a hand in it I thank you.

Day one w/Mamasita

Mom and I kicked it today hard. No one should walk around an outdoor shopping mall in this fricking heat. Ugh.
Still had fun.
Now Mom is napping and I am making sure there are no fires at work.
They don't have brats out East so she and I picked up some for dinner. She also found some ethnic odds and ends she likes to cook w/here to take home.
We discussed the zoo but decided the heat and the smell would make for a lethal combo.

Tomorrow is my cousins wedding - which should be interesting.
They are having a wedding party of 16!
Crazy kids.
So glad we did the Jamaica beach thing.
So glad... :)!

The house inspection didn't go so well but it will all work itself out and if not we will be renting for a little while longer. No harm no foul.
I do need to get on the packing thing though.

So awesome to have my Mom here.
Wish she could stay.

The Mamasita is coming :)

My Mom is going to be here tomorrow. So excited I can not tell you. My Mom is the embodiment of all the things I wish I could be.
She is a bad ass but sweet and she always see the bright side of everything.
I have not seen her for well over 10 months and I am so homesick it is crazy. Not that I have a home anymore as they now live in PA, but you know what I mean right?
Anyway she will be here til Monday and it rules!
I of course have not cleaned the place yet.
Hee, hee I am such a procrastinator - why can I not apply my work ethic to my household duties?
I will never now...
The money thing is resolving itself and we have our inspection tonight.
I am home w/the Boo and cleaning.
I am so excited to have a deck and a yard I can't tell you.
It will make all this crap so worth it.
I can't imagine the people who get married then immediately buy a house - we would be divorced by now.
Luckily we are late bloomers on everything.
I have also found a new addiction - not caffeine or sugar oh no much worse - Turkey Franks.
I am so odd...

Trying really hard...

Not to be negative anymore, but you notice just when you have yourself brushed off another thing hits you in the face?
Over the past year I have really been busting my ass to get my finances in order and for the first time in my life I am doing it and still having extra money.
That is until lately - over the course of this month I have lent my husband over $300 because he forgets about checks he writes.
I don't mind doing this becuase he would do it for me but his timing sucks.
My Mom is coming to visit and I have no money add to that because we are buying a house I can't even use my credit cards to buy dinners.
SUCKS...

Winona

Chris and I went and visited his Dad this weekend. In doing so I got to see Winona MN. That is how far up north Chris's Dad lives!
It is so beautiful up there. Chris's Dad lives literally two minutes from a river and it is breathtaking. If I knew how I would live I would move there.
I can't imagine living that close the the beautiful outdoors. His Dad has an amazing piece of property. Great house but just a tad on the bachelor pad side. (I had to restrain myself from kicking the boys out and cleaning)
Let me just add I wore my flip flops all weekend.
EW...

Regardless his Dad was more than wonderful and sent us home with a bunch of goodies we don't need but appreciate.
It was the break I needed.
Bonus Mr. Max got to come along and was an absolute Angel.

Thankyou Winona for clearing my head.

Finding Solace in little things...

With the pressure of what is going on right now I am find the littlest things are making me happy.
Like singing along with my iPod.
My friends and their blogs.
My animals.
Making jewelry
Junk food
Really bad TV
Summer mini series
A good book
The sun
I could go on, but I guess what I want to say is thank you all for providing me the vodka to go with my lemonade and encouraging me to breathe.
It has helped a lot.

Want to run away...

From everything.
Stress level = 20.
X a billion.

Got the double whammy today.
Not only did our offer get flat out refused my Grandma is very sick.
I just want to bolt.
I can't handle all of this at once. If it was just the house or just my Grandma I think I could manage but I just feel so overwhelmed and now where to go with any of this but to cry.
And I am really sick of crying...

Attitude adjustment...

So today has been stress level 10.
The house we put a solid offer on - the guy rented.
Is that even legal?
So now we have a month to find a home.
My grandma is in the hospital.
And work was crazy.
I so need a stiff tall drink....

Guilt Level 10 and Growing...

So because we are trying to buy a house my Mom has taken to emailing me.
Which is fine but my family has a tendency to even email things that really I would rather hear on the phone.
For example the fact that my Grandmother fell and broke her wrist and in the process had another stroke.
In the last 5 years my Grandma has had two strokes, been put on dialysis, and has had the left side of her body suffer slight paralysis. She is still a trooper and sends these great sassy email jokes and reminds me that I need to come visit.
Haven't seen her in almost 2 years.
This is where the guilt comes in.

She and my Grandpa love my husband and we have been trying to schedule time to go visit but with our work schedules and money situations we just haven't been able to do it.

Now I find out this morning my Grandma is not doing well at all.
All the should haves are running through my head.

My grandma was the lady who told me about all the things I couldn't ask my parents.
She inspired my love of shoes and costume jewelry and really anything with a sparkle.
She taught me you can still be tough and be a lady. Being little isn't a bad thing.
It is ok to dye your hair.
There is such a thing as unconditional love.
It is great to live by the beat of your own drummer and she will be the one person (besides my Grandpa) who will support me in it.
She is so much to me and I feel like I have failed her by not spending more time with her and letting her know.

Helpless...

I can not sleep.
Want to - can't.
Too much on my brain.
Like the fact my best friend is having extreme trauma at work and it really is completely unbelievable and I can't fix it.
And I hate that. I want to make it better and I can't.
I feel like listening isn't enough.
I want to scream and yell and storm her workplace and demand them to apologize.
What is more shocking this is not a corporate America company.
It is a non profit and they blow....
As a company they have broken so many commonly known laws of HR it is sick.
The best example - throwing a stapler at a coworker = fine.
Emailing sarcastically about raises = grounds for threats of termination.
How some people get positions of power I will never know...

Hoorah for Memorial Day Weekend

what a great weekend.
why is it your three day weekends always end with the best weather being on the day before you go back to work?

we went to bratfest and scoped out houses
had some ice cream and now are just being lazy
feel kind of guilty because i did no cleaning
just vegged

it was lovely
i can run around this weekend

Add to My List of Reasons I Love Madison...

The Farmer's Market. Steep and Brew coffee. Almond scones.
Went to the Farmer's Market with my friend Char. The weather totally cooperated. It was great. Only Madison can you have a Farmer's Market with a political play going on on the capital lawn and people applauding.
Since I live with a man who thinks corn is the only vegetable my purchases were plants and kettle corn. It was so cool watched them make it and got myself a huge bag. It is almost gone already! Of course I couldn't pass up the beautiful handmade crafts and got myself an original silk scarf. (Hand painted) It was a totally decadent purchase but what the heck.

It was a wonderful morning. However, I found myself to be wiped. Char on the other hand was on a mission. We journeyed down State St. to the bead store.
Spent too much money.

I love my city. It goes at a pace I can handle.

I came home and crashed and then decided to watch a movie.
I picked Hotel Rwanda.
Can someone please tell me how Don Cheadle did not get an Oscar for that movie?
Or why that movie got virtually overlooked at the award ceremonies?
Oh I know why because then it would point out how as a whole the entire world pretended like that terrible civil war didn't exist.
Again my Madison frame of mind coming in to play here.
What a great movie but lets just say any mascara I had on is long gone and my neighbors must think I am unstable.
'Cause I was balling...

I get to go the bratfest tomorrow and they have made it bigger and I am so excited.
Brats and pop for a buck and free music.
Lovely.
Ah Madison...

Going a 100 miles a minute!!!

So while my husband was away I made a decision.
I want a house.
So applied for a mortage
My life since last week has been crazy - cause shock my husband wants a house too!!!
It is all pretty overwhelming but also exciting.
To think in a few months I might have my own yard :)

Add to that my partner in crime is on vacation today and tomorrow.
I have been running!
But I loves my some stress.
Bring it.

Star Wars and my missing husband...

So my husband is a huge Star Wars fan.
So huge he and a bunch of buddies are congregating in Austin today and spending the week watching Star Wars and seeing the sights.
In turn I am left to my own devices. Which I enjoy.
I miss him but can I tell you how great it is to have full rein.
Also it means I can clean without any interruption.
I like my Mother once on task must stay there.

This week has been pretty good.
Met up with the girls for Martini Mondays - so lovely.
I was laughing so hard I was crying.
Oh the imagery people can conjure in a story.

There is some mild drama amongst peeps I know and it hurts me because I love all my friends but poor manners is poor manners. And people if you are friends you shouldn't show your poor manners but rather the love.

On that note I am going to clean uninterrupted!

Send in the Family Rep...

So now that my folks are in PA. I have become the official rep for family functions. On today's assignment list. A bridal luncheon for my cousin. Now I love her parents, they rock. They flew to Jamaica for our wedding, hosted our gift opening, and always invite us over for the holidays.
Their daughter on the other hand during my wedding ceremony - pitched a fit. Pouted when it was done, and threatened to walk back to their resort because she was bored.

In defense of said cousin at 26 she has the mentality level of a 12 yr old literally. However attending said luncheon will give my other aunts and cousins an opportunity to ask when we are going to have a baby.
Which those of you close to me know may in of itself not be any easy process for us because of health reasons. So I am not in a mood. I am hoping none of this will happen but I can feel my blood pressure going up at the thought of the onslaught I am about to endure.
UGH. I have always been the odd duck amongst my cousins as I went to college and waited to get married. My family thinks you should be married and have children young. To be honest I didn't even start dating until my 20's!!!

In happier family news my Mom is coming here in June, and has made it clear that she wants to be selfish and see me again in July. It has only been in the last year or so my Mom and I have become buds, and can I say how wonderful it is? I can tell her anything. I always could but now it isn't judged so harshly. I had a spa day planned for us but she has decided she wants me to spend the $300 on a plane ticket.
I agreed.
I really miss my family. My whole life I have always been able to spend a holiday with them. I am going on year two of now family holidays. It kind of blows. If your family is close consider yourself lucky. For the last 6 years mine has only been near by for a year. No matter what your beef is with your family they are yours. Hold them close because some day they may be far away. Of course you know I am talking about my parents right? 'Cause my aunties god love them can certainly drive me bonkers! I have 7! And I get to see 4 today. Help me!!!
:)

And the Lightbulb went off...

Today at work I had the moment.
The moment when your job and what you do and why you do the stupid nitpicky stuff you do has to be done.
What was cooler my coworkers saw it too.
It is so nice to get it.
Now to keep it!

Ode to My iPod Shuffle

Oh how I love thee my portable music player. You do not jump, you do not skip even when I do. You allow me to purchase guilty pleasures music and keep it between us two. You help me sing and dance and shake my money maker. You are so wonderful little iPod - so glad Apple had the foresight to make ya.

Ok that was cheesy but can I just say - HOORAY FOR THE IPOD.
I am by no means technical but I need my music when I travel and work out and when I do those things I want options. Options I say.

I now do. My current musical selections range from Will Smith to James Brown with some Keane thrown in. I still have to download my own stuff but it is so cool to be able to have one song I like instead of purchasing the whole album which may blow. Remember cassette singles, cd singles? Ya I was probably the only person who bought them. The shuffle had me in mind. Also it has not bells and whistles just music. Which is all I want.
I love it. My husband has dubbed me a dork but like my digital camera before it certain electronics get my excited and happy. Add my iPod and fancy new vacuum to the list.
AAAHHHH GEEK OUT! :)

The other thing that happens w/the new toy. I sing aloud and don't realize it. I have never sang in front of Chris before. Almost 5 years and he has never heard me sing. Now he has hear me sing:
Avril Lavigne - Skater Boy
Amerie - 1 thing
Kelly Clarkson - ?
Destiny's Child - Bootylicious
Modest Mouse - Float on
The Clash - Train in Vain
The Goo Goo Dolls - Give a little bit...

I think you know where this is going. It is good. My kind of music right now. As a child of the decades of mix tapes I am sending Apple and the iPod much love.

Baby's first Musical

So ...
Beth has a co worker who has season tickets to the Overture Center.
She gave up a pair of her tickets so she and her husband could go see Cirque de Soliel in Las Vegas. For $67 I got a third row seat at the Overture Center and got to see the Producers.
I don't think I stopped smiling until we hit the crowd leaving of course.

I have never thought of myself as a musical kind of girl. Phantom of the Opera and the like bore me to tears. However Mel Brooks humor and sparkly costumes.
Sign me up.
We were so close we could see the microphones in their wigs.
We saw them spit.
It was amazing.

I always have a blast w/Beth but this was especially magical.
Because Beth is my truly talented theatrical friend. So I had someone who could explain to me what the thing that looked like a silver mole on a person's forehead was. Or how they were able to sing and dance at the same time. I know these seem like stupid things to wonder about but I do. Beth being patient lets me enjoy and explains. One of other friends who is also in theater goes so far as to explain how they do lighting in movies to me. I guess being a theater major makes her an expert on lighting. Did I mention my senior paper in college was on how light was used to help tell the story in Apocalypse Now?!

My point is this.
It feels good to have friends that now when to tell you are stupid but never make you feel that way.
It feels even better when you can share such amazing stuff w/them.
I am now officially a musical geek. Watch out I may be watching the Tony's soon.
My dream musical? BLAZING SADDLES BABY!!!

It was bound to happen...

I would have one of those days that makes me wonder if I made the right thing taking a new job.
I have gone from the girl who knows everything to be the girl who knows nothing.
It is a hard transition.
Makes me feel like I am not living up to expectations.
I know I will get there but it just seems like in my pea brain not soon enough.

Adventures in driving

So I had to visit some clients today and take them presents for Admins day.
We thought balloons and a plant so nice.
Except in a million an hour wind!!!
Then they got tangled - ugh.
But our admins loved them and that is what counts.

For me I got to learn a lot about Madison's nooks and crannies.
As a trip to Waunakee and back was really for me a trip through the scenic northport and lakeshore area.
Last week I got to drive in downtown Milwaukee.
Can I just say my fear of driving - dwindling.
Which makes me happy!

Office Bad Ass

That is me.
So I guess because I have yet to form any relationships with anyone I have been designated the person who scolds people for being out ill.
To the point a few people will avoid calling me.
I find it humorous since I was known as a softy at Springs.
However today since I was ill I was very lacking the sympathy.
I am a person who goes to work sick. Unless I am heaving or just terribly sick I go.
If I had one more person who didn't sound sick call me who did sound very sick and say they weren't coming in I think I would have screamed.
It probably didn't help I didn't eat my lunch until 3. Or that I was hopped up on cold medicine.
Yes I really do love my job!

Sick again...

I think I have a problem.
I have a cold again.
It is in my throat and ears and I just feel miserable.
I came home from work yesterday and just passed out. Well I got in bed and clicked through crap tv.
And now I am wide awake.
When really I just want to sleep.

Ghosts...

So Chris and I had date tonight and it was great.
Then we saw him. My deepest darkest secret still in Madison.
And with a daughter in tow.
My mind has been going ever since and has not slowed down.
I have so much I want to type but have tucked it so successfully in a little corner I am afraid to do it. I am still a little wobbly.
All I keep thinking is it is so flippin ironic.
And painful.
I need to stop right now.

Best Week Ever in a long time...

So Monday started out a little rocky.
Let us just say the week perked up considerably.
Since I now work on the East side and my best buds live on the East side we have been spending a lot of time together.
And it is Fabu.
Monday night we hit Fyfe's for martinis and yummies.
Thursday night the Retreat to give Sandy support for her surgery.
The cherry on the proverbial sundae? Last night. Beth and I went to a new place on the square and had a lovely meal, granted after driving in circles trying to figure out where to go. Not a typical thing but Madison is currently invaded by High School Forensic kids and people checking out the Midwest Horse show. Ended up downtown and had super yummy meal at a new place.
Then ended w/Fyfe's, martinis, chocolate cake and live music.
I love Madison.
This morning I went to my new favorite salon and they turned me into a rockstar.
I have never had hip rockstar hair before I do now. Looks kind of weird.
Good but weird on me. :)
And I got to drive by the lake and see the capital.
Again I love Madison.
If you can survive the winter it rules :)
My spirits are definitely improving just need to pull it together a little more.
I am so lucky to have such great friends.
Thank you.

Ever notice how one thing can make you feel so small?

I try really, really, really hard not to turn my blog into a downer for anyone reading it.
It is a place for my friends to know what is going on in my life without having to phone, if their lives are too busy.
Lately my blog has become my place for solace and calm. It is where the real me hides out.
When other parts of my life aren't so calm and I feel like I can't be myself.

A big chunk of me is very much going south, and I don't know how to fix it. And to be honest maybe I am the problem. It just doesn't seem to matter how much I try it keeps disengrating.
I am beyond humiliated that I am failing at this. I am trying so hard to be what I thought and I think I should be, but really the truth is that isn't me.
I am a forgetful person, when I am having fun I have a tendency to push other things off. I am a neat freak...
These are things most people love me for, but the one person who is supposed to love me for these things unconditionally - is making me feel like being like that is no good.

So here I am doing what I don't want to .
Airing a little dirty laundry. Trying to hold it together when I just want to crumple.

Feeling overwhelmed and very sunburned...

So I did the cancer walk today. What a beautiful day to do it. Walked with some of my old coworkers and found out one of my former coworkers has cancer.
It is stage 3 which is never good, but he is good spirited about it and has shaved his head in response to the chemo. One of my walking partners is a cancer survivor and is still getting chemo - she outpaced us most of the race. :)

I ran to the finish line and it felt so good. And sad. In the last two years I have lost an aunt and friend to cancer. I have 3 friends who are in the midst of battling it. I have had two grandmothers, 4 aunts, and a cousin all have some form of cancer. Just makes me sad.
What makes me happy is all the people who were walking and running. My group alone raised a ton of cash. We have decided to run together every year til we don't have too.
So that is my new goal. I am going to run not walk for my friends w/cancer.

Let us just hope my tin ankle can make it. :)

Wish I were a homeowner...

So Chris and I get home today and find a letter in our door.
We are being asked to clean up the dog poop in our yard. Also they complained about the torn up grass.
Here is the thing...
Max does not poop in our yard per their request we have been taking him out back and also cleaning up after him. See little plastic bags w/poop in backyard.
Also as far as the grass goes... we have not had grass since we moved in.
It blows...
We look like the ghetto yard.
Yet ironically it is ok for our upstairs neighbor to puke on our stuff and play his music so load our pictures fall of the walls.
I hate it here.

Safe crushes...

So I have been a my new job for not quite 2 weeks. Can I just say - coolest coworkers?
They are.
One of my coworkers in particular - instant click.
You know it when it happens they are the people you want to hang w/outside of work and when they call into work you chat mindlessly for much longer than you should.
Welcome to my world.

It is awesome. I am also crushing a little.
Harmlessly, as well hello I am married and two my crush is not playing on my team if you know what I am saying. :) We have loads of fun when we open together and he has taken my advice and done is hair per my suggestion.
Very flattering to get this kind of attention without worries.
Chris knows and thinks it is hilarious that we talk to each other like we do.

And know I have someone else to ask - does this look ok?
Cause we all know I am all about multiple opinions!

Spring is here and the napping is good...

Can I just say how much I love Spring in Wisconsin?
You can smell it in the air. It is awesome.

Friday night I hung out w/my two closest girlfriends and celebrated another person switching jobs. It was a little bit of a debacle because of some miscommunication but it all worked out in the end. Then Chris and I went to our favorite burger place and ate Plaza burgers, drank beer and watched the game. It was lovely.

Saturday I vegged. Awesome loved it. Then got a very happy phonecall my friend Beth is engaged it's a lovely story but it's her story so all I will say is HOORAY!!!
Then Beth and I went and saw Finding Neverland. Great movie kids need to see it if you haven't yet.

And today more napping. Then I walked Max, cleaned our porch off, ate lunch w/my friend Sam. Passed out again. Just got back from dinner and a walk with Chris and ready for bed.

Reminds me of when I was a kid. Something about the fresh air and the sunshine makes sleeping feel so perfect and right.
Here is hoping the warm months get rid of my insomnia.

Day 3

I have almost made it a full week at the new job.
Like it a lot.
Only downer the drive home.
But hey could be worse...

First Day at New Job...

Today was my first at my new job - why does the first day always feel like you do a ton but accomplished nothing?
Had a nice long lunch w/my new boss.
It's been a long time since I have had a boss who actually knows how to do my job as well as her own. We were alone for an 1hr and 1/2 and she kicked butt.
It was great for me to see how our office works.
There should be no suprises for me in regards to work load.

Everyone I work with likes to laugh and is friendly.
Don't get me wrong they are jaded but not toward each other.
Not going to jinx this so I am just going to say - it is nice to have an office w/a window. :)

To follow up on my last post.
Great sage advice from my Mom and my buddy Paulie.
If those people were really important to me in High School I would still be talking to them.
And graduation was my time to move on.
There is a new show on VH1 called my coolest years and it focuses on celebrities high school experiences. For me I thought college was my coolest bunch of years.
It's where I met the first man to break my heart and the group of friends who would help me fix it and stick by me through whatever life threw my way.
WSUW rules!!!

Ghosts that I would like to avoid...

Just got a notice about my 15 yr. High school class reunion.
Torn about going.
Kind of would like to go to see some people but then I think if I really wanted to see these people wouldn't I have stayed in touch?
Also these are the same group of people who ignored my all through high school but then when I was on the radio acted like we were the best of friends.
Top it off with dating a guy who was my crush only to have him dump me and say things like...
So you don't want to go to the reunion because you are fat now?
I think I have answered my own question.

Maybe?!

Mini Vacation

So I have been on my own self imposed vacation since yesterday.
A little break in between jobs.
Even though our house is in a state I have only been doing baby steps to clean and have just been enjoying the fact I am not responsible for anything right now.
It feels really good.
Yesterday I only left our house to have dinner w/Chris.
Today I might leave to go catch a movie and tomorrow I have to run to the bank.
Otherwise I have just been hanging out in sweats watching movies and making jewelry.
It has been lovely - I am nervous to start my new job on Monday but I am sure after four days I will be ready.
Have been getting in some good bonding time w/the animals, Max especially. How we got such a great dog I don't know.
Anyway I am going to make some coffee and hang out.

Last day

So far the last 3 yrs. I have been the girl everyone goes to for help at my current job. It has been stressful it has been wonderful, I have laughed and I have cried.
Tomorrow is my last day. I have decided to switch careers. As excited as I was one I got the new job I am feeling sad that I am leaving my current one.
I am going to miss so many people.
Tomorrow night they are having a party for me afterwork and I already know I won't be able to wear any mascara.
This whole thing has been such a trip and I can't believe I am leaving.

Insomniacs Unite...

Ok so I know technically 7:18 am is not getting up too early but I have actually been up since 5:30 and I didn't go to bed until after 11.
I am turning into my parents.
Living off of 4-5 hours a night.
Except here is the thing. I want to sleep more.
Just can't. Seriously considering a sleep aid.
I need my eight hours people.
That is all I am saying...

To which I say mmmm - girl I'm going to kick your a --!

So dear readers you know - oh how you know how crappy and catty some of the women in my department can be.
So I am leaving. 3 more days.
You would think they would be having a party.

Instead - one person in particular has become a nice to me in front of the temp, but curt when no one is around. Maybe she isn't enjoying the fact that EVERYONE is coming into the office and telling me how much they are going to miss me and that I can't leave.
Maybe it's because at lunch today we were joined by two of my former students because they wanted to hang w/me before I left.
Maybe it's because it's being slapped in her face that I am really a good person and well she sucks. Whatever the reason it is taking all my willpower not to clock her.
If she comes to my going away party it might happen people.

The straw for me was today at lunch said students sat down w/us. Immediately she did not hide her disgust and throughout the meal said I am just going to go. I am ready to go.
Sucked down her lunch and left us. The remainder of the afternoon she shot me looks everytime someone has come in to say goodbye.

I am sorry you hate me but you know what you suck.
You are a middle aged woman who can't stand the fact that you will never be more than what you are. A mean bitter woman.
My Mom is in her age range and is the nicest person in the world. She would never treat people the way this person does. So you can't attribute piss poor attitudes to age.
You might say maybe it's because she had no education and has had the same job and has worked at the same place for 25 yrs. Hello - that is half our facility and let me tell you we have some seriously sweet ladies out there. Just so nice.

Maybe it's because she was in a bad relationship.
Really what woman hasn't been? I have - I am still nice to people.
Maybe it's because she has low self esteem. See breast implants that she tells anyone/everyonee about.
Maybe just maybe, it's because she is a jerk.

And you know what she is. Anyone who has made it their mission to treat other people poorly and enjoys it deserves all the bitter things life hands them.
I got my justice.
I am moving on and I am really happy.
And maybe that is why she is being mean to me - I am happy.
Whatever the case, give me strength to hold it together.
We can't afford any bail. :)

Crazy

So I am a little weirded out and taken aback.
Annie my dear friend, clued me in to the fact that Bob Mould has a blog. I know, I know, other celebrities have blogs.
But it's Bob Mould.
Husker Du
Sugar
Bob Mould
You may have heard of him/them. Bob Mould - and I am reading his daily thoughts just like you can read mine.
Doesn't seem right, does it?
Bob Mould to me was one of the first songwriters to give my life a soundtrack. A soundtrack for a very personal time in my life. And now I can see pictures of him drinking coffee in a recording studio and read about what he thinks about the state of things.
I am simply blown away.
Yep, I am a music geek.

7 days and counting til new job

SEE TITLE :)

Inspired

So today at work we were bitching - shocker and we started talking about what we would do if we didn't work.
I promptly said I would love to write a book people would read and then live off the proceeds.
To which my coworkers inspired me w/a theme and title.
So I am going to and if I am successful will send some cash their way.
It will be about me but not me in particular rather my adventures in my workplace and prior.
Wish me luck - I tried to do the novel via blog and that crashed. I think it did though because I wasn't writing what I knew, but rather what I thought I did.
This stuff I know and most of it is fricking funny.
I think...

Bittersweet

More people are hearing that I am leaving as such more people are coming up and telling me how much I will be missed.
Isn't it terrible someone has to leave in order for others to tell them thank you?

New Job, New Look , New Attitude

So I have a new job. Start at the end of the month. Took about 4 days off in between jobs.
Decided to go w/said new job I would get a big girl haircut - big girl job need big girl haircut.
Went to a pretty trendy salon in Madison that Beth swears by and unbeknownst to me got a great write up in Madison's women's magazine. Oh and did I mention a former friend from high school owns it? He does.
It was awesome. I got free coffee and a hand massage and was treated like a princess.
I now have dark adult hair. I made it clear that an adult hair cut to me is scary I don't want to look like I should be wearing a reindeer sweater or anything.
I don't. It looks great and will go well with my evergrowing suit wardrobe. Yes I have a job where I wear suits. It's a little daunting.
I don't have to wear them everyday but when I do client visits I do.
I have never had a big girl job. I have always been the assistant to so and so.
It's scary and exciting. My pay has changed. I am now a salaried person. Plus commission.
Also scary...
Welcome to land of the big boys.
Hope they will let me and my little girl voice play.

Time to Change

It is official I am changing jobs.
Very afraid to tell my current employer tomorrow but it has to be done.

Change?

So I have been applying like a crazy woman to different jobs in Madison.
So of I have made farther than others.
The best experience so far has been w/Adecco.
They are looking for a Staffing Recruiter/Office Supervisor person for their East side location.
Every women I met w/because fyi all the powerful people are women have been there along time and love it.
Every person I met was smiling and nice.
You can't fake that people. I welcome new hires all the time I am not always smiling and my coworkers rarely are.
She is in the midst of checking my references and if all goes well I maybe heading to bigger things.
I never thought I would be a staffing person but here I am.
I hope

Georgia

Just got back from seeing Ray. I like to try and see a few movies nominated for an Oscar before the big night.
So Jamie Foxx - there is a reason for the hype. He was good in Collateral but he was great in Ray. I am a Ray Charles fan. I am the "Baby Please Don't Go", "Hit the Road Jack" kind of fan.
It got to a point I forgot Jamie Foxx was just playing, it was like watching Ray Charles.
Eerie...
Back to Collateral the person who should have been nominated but will probably never win an award for anything. Tom Cruise. Now hold on I don't think he is hot and I could care less about his personal life. The man can act. I have not seen a bad Tom Cruise movie. I even liked that goofy fairy tale one he did. He was such a bad ass and a scary bad ass. So cold it was brilliant.
Like when Ben Kingsley did Sexy Beast. But much cooler. Ben Kingsley has that air of creepy. Tom Cruise not so much.

I just have not shared my tales of being a tambourine girl nor the pictures.
Plan on doing that this weekend for now I have a date w/my big bed.

A Panic Attack to End all Panic Attacks

This weekend I went and hung out w/some of my closest friends from college. We watched our friend's great 80's cover band play and had a lot of drinks.
Luckily we had a hotel room, because it snowed ALOT.

There are very few things I am afraid of. Unfortunately all of them seem to be nature related which means you have little or no control. I am afraid of lightening and driving in lots of snow.
I got to face that fear head on, unfortunately for my friend and co-pilot Sandy.
At one point I screamed when a semi came cruising by and blinded us then started sliding into our lane. The other mini breakdowns came courtesy of people cutting us off making me not" focus on the path" as Sandy would say. It took us an hour to get from Milwaukee to Johnson Creek at which point Sandy took over the driving duties and I finished up my nervous breakdown.
Do they not plow in Milwaukee? I ask because as soon as we hit Madison - you could actually see the lines on the road. It was lovely.

I counted at least 10 cars in the ditch. 3 of which were cars that zoomed past us. One guy had gone down the side of the road and turned his car around so it was parked perfectly in between a grove of trees. I guess it's not so much the snow but my fellow drivers.
The roads were messy and dangerous and people were being idiots. If no one but us had been on the roads I probably could have handled it better. But to be stressed anyway, then have the added stress of morons behind lots of metal - it was my undoing.

Sandy I have decided should be a motivational speaker.
I would call her show "Follow the Path and Face your Fear w/Sandy Stauffacher."
I said to Chris what shocked me the most was no one teased me for being so upset. Even my Mom, who is my harshest critic said she hated that commute.
So I now know I can do it, thanks to Sandy's persistance and patience. I don't like it, and it's ok to be afraid. You just can't let the fear control you.
That is what I need to work on.

So if you see my snapping a rubber band on my wrist you might want to give me some space. I am either pissed or freaking out about something.

Thank goodness for 4 day weekends!

But now the forecast is saying snow!
Wouldn't it blow to be stranded in Milwaukee on my anniversary sans my spouse!

I will take a pen to the eye Thank you...

It has been that kind of a day.

And now I get to go babysit for two hours.
Which wouldn't be so bad if I had been paid but I have been doing this since 1/17 and no dough...
I like the child but girl gotta eat.
I just want to curl up in the fetal position and sleep.

Luckily I have a four day weekend coming up and I can't wait!

A Crush - or all things Scottish formerly known as LFYBs

So my friend Beth and I have started a tradition of getting together on Saturdays and having lunch then shopping. We keep trying to see a movie, but either the times don't work or one of us has seen what the other wants too.
Each trip involves someone playing a cd.
Yesterday Beth was playing the Killers.
I am a sucker for an accent, and these boys have Scottish accents and of course dress up when they play. Making me remember my obsession w/Duran Duran. The difference these boys rock out.
I have found lately I wish I was about 10 yrs younger - I would become a groupie.
Hee hee...
I would love to be written about in Rolling Stone or Spin. Following these bands around pining...
I had mentioned this to my Mom in an earlier phone conversation and she was shocked. Not shocked in a "that is gross way." More quizzical. My Mom ever blunt. "Well when you worked at the radio station you could have behaved that way." Yes, Yes I could have.
I have a laundry list of bands0 that I met that when I told my friends, they were jealous and I guess these bands were considered hot. But, I am not always one of those in the moment kind of people. Also, when I am around those people. I am pretty oblivious to the obvious. For example Robin the drummer of Bush. Asked me out. I thought he was making conversation until their third trip to Madison and asked one of my coworkers where I was. (Looking for my kitten who had ran away). Or being kissed by Paul the drummer from Moby. Or holding hands w/Moby as we walked to find a bar to have drinks at. The doors where there, I just didn't open them.
Because deep down I am a good girl.
So really I don't want to be any of that. But I am going to keep on lusting.
Besides the thing I learned that was the hardest for me. It's a rare rocker who is as cool as his on stage persona. I have only met a few who are even cooler. Moby, Lenny Kravitz, Del Amitri.
So today I will go buy the Killers cd, and on my way to work tomorrow morning do a little daydreaming. And think about what could have been.

A little whine w/my nacho cheese...

So I pinched a nerve in my neck.
Not sure how it happened - why it is good.
The pain woke me up when my alarm clock which I forgot to turn on didn't.
Why it is bad. I can barely turn my head to the left. Which in cubicle land is a problem when everyone comes up to talk to me from behind.
Driving is also intersting but I am dealing.
I know I live on the edge... :)

So part four million of my crazy ass job interview is tomorrow.
Kids is it bad that a recruitment agency is a little disorganized in their recruiting?
If you said yes you would be right.
But hey it's good practice and I will be in jeans.
Hoorah :)