Ever listen to a song and it compels you to relive a ton of emotions or overwhelms you to the point you start thinking about things you put in a box far away in your head?
I just had one of those moments, I would rather not go into what song as you might think I am a dork. Well you probably already do... :)
I am sitting on our bed putting together a collage and suddenly the song starts and I am flooded by all this emotion.
It is crazy. Right?
I really think lately I am loosing it. My stress level is at about 10. So much in my life is going right yet there is such a big chunk of me that is just so dark and blue. I really only let that side of me show to my husband. I think he is probably only the only person in my life who can handle it. Most everyone else in my life expects me to be the goof, the smiling girl, the one who is strong. Got news for everyone I am really not that strong especially lately. I told Chris tonight I wish I could just sleep for about a week. I know I am a lot more fortunate than most people, so I probably should shut up right? But I just feel so overwhelmed lately.
I feel like I have become this packaged, bland version of my former self. I know, I know, when we grow up we change. I get it, but I feel like I am so far removed from where I wanted to be when I got done with school you know?
But again, who isn't? You take what you can get, I feel like I haven't taken what I can get, I have taken what I thought would make my family happy.
Therein lies the problem. For so long I have done what I thought would make them happy, I have lost a little bit of me in the process. I like my pooch, am a people pleaser.
And it is killing me slowly.
Thus breaking down during cheesy songs. I am a dork.
I am really hoping the DJ thing will help me. For the longest time my life has been work period.
Now every week I have 3-4 hours where I can play silly 80's music and do something I love.
I think it is the kick in the pants I need. The other thing I am doing is trying to take better care of myself. I am not saying extreme makeover but maybe a little slimdown.
I pay for a club membership, I should use it.
You know?
So here it is from here on out... more things for me and mine. Less for those who don't matter.
Right, right?
Oh and no more sappy songs for awhile. :)
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1 comment:
Caprise-Hope it was a good one... the kind that leaves you exhausted and relieved... sounds like it might have been. You need those once in awhile. Your true self is still in there! The weekend gig should help her find her way.
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