Is it weird?

That I just spent an hour downloading songs on my iPod? I downloaded about 14 songs. From Ok Go to Lyndard Skynard. I love music. Ok I know we all do but isn't amazing how a song can completely change your mood? Make you think back, sad, happy, want to kick the walls? And you can be 20 years older or younger than someone walk a completely different life but a song can bring you together.
Whoever called Rock n Roll the devils music sure got it wrong.

In other news I am making my first trip to Baby's R Us today. I heard they have this thing that can help you continue to wear your own jeans through your pregnancy. I know silly but I don't want to buy a ton of maternity wear. I would rather use that money on the baby you know?
Also I have discovered some interesting ways to wear clothes that I normally wouldn't wear and they have become my new "maternity uniform" as my husband calls it.
Long sleeved plain t, little cami, sweater, jeans and boots.
Layering is key right now since my temperature changes like the wind.
I am finally embracing my baby bump and actually had my radio boss tell me I truly am glowing. So sweet.

I feel good. Still a little queasy but that seems to be on the days my hormone levels are peaking or I have eaten something I shouldn't. See sugar. :)
I am so excited to be a Mom. I am starting to cry while I type this. Ah hormones.
It is amazing there is a little person in my tummy.
All the crap I have gone through brought me here.
I have noticed since I have become pregnant I have really started to look at things very differently. I have always have tried hard to accept everyone, give everyone a chance.
Now I notice go with the flow and let life take its course.
Kindness goes so far. Letting go and breathing helps you be kind.

So I am breathing a lot especially when I am driving!!!
Be kind, be kind, breath even if the guy in front of me cut me off!!! :)

Say it ain't so...

So is Thursday.
I have about 4 more days left of vacation.
Wish it was more.
It has been so nice to sleep in and do things at my pace, which right now is slow.
I have been putting off the errand running but must succumb today.
Going to sneak a movie in with my aunt and grab some lunch.
Ok not a bad day, I just hate being near stores this time of year!

Butterscotch pudding equals perfect Christmas Breakfast

So I am finally hitting the stage in my pregancy where I don't sick as much but I am hungry a lot!
Case in point it is very early Christmas morning and we are not going anywhere but I am up.
I must feed my tummy.
For whatever reason said tummy suggested pudding. I felt bad for my dog he got all excited thinking this meant he is out for the morning and gets his breakfast too.
Not quite yet.
We have been invited to my Aunts for Christmas brunch and or dinner but have opted to stay home. I love them but Chris is having a hard time this year without his Dad as am I. We thought it might be nice to have one day.
Then I am on vacation for a whole week!!!!
I am very excited as there is much around our house I want to do.
Specifically start getting the baby's room in order.
I really miss my folks right now and am excited the baby gives Mom and I a reason to talk everyday.
I hope all of you have a great day.
Time to eat my puding :).

Yummy in my tummy

We finally made it to see my Aunt and Uncle in Milwaukee. They made us a delicious meal and I got to see my younger cousins who I never see and who are frankly amazing.
One goes to film school in New York and lives in Brooklyn. The other is on her way to Florida for college at 16!
Smart and cool.

My family is serious foodies and every member of this family can cook.
The conversation is fun and it was just a wonderful laid back night.
Hooray for the holidays!

Overwhelmed in the best way possible...

So lots going on.
First one of my oldest, bestest friends had her baby.
Welcome to the world Ruby Rose!

I heard my little one's heartbeat!!!!
My little tummy dweller is very cooperative she/he followed the audio tool around. It now has it me I am going to be a mommy!!!

Between today and yesterday I have gotten over 20 presents from my kids and staff mates!!!
I love Christmas getting gifts for others but it is always so amazing and shocking when others do it for you.

Life is pretty amazing isn't?

Hamburgers rule

You probably already knew this, but really I have come to enjoy them so much. And salty fries. Not much stays in my tummy but burgers do. It makes me so happy. I feel like the fast food people know me now. :)

Our Christmas tree and decorations are up. Very pleased. We still have some last minute cards to get out and some presents but otherwise all is well.

I am so excited for my break!!!!

Baby Belly

It is official I now have one.
My husband actually said while we were cleaning tonight "Wow honey you so have a baby belly."
If I can figure it out I will take a picture and you can see for yourself.
In some clothes the baby belly is in full effect in others just looks like I might have a drinking problem. (Beer gut)

I can tell I am getting further along because I take a lot of breaks.
I have been putting up Christmas decorations and have had to sit down several times tonight.
In fact I think my bedtime is coming up.

I know I have been blogging alot about this baby but I feel like it will be something nice for me to look back on as the baby grows.
Silly I know...

Finally

Finally starting to decorate for Christmas.
I love this time of year.
My favorite thing presents for my family and friends.
Hope everyone likes them.
Only thing that could be better, being with them.

Thankful for the snow

Because it is covering up our yard!
We are still trying to figure out how to tend to our yard, the new snow kind of hides that fact.

I turned the big 35 this week.
Pretty uneventful and that is ok!
Chris got me the new Beatles cd and it is awesome.
Love it!
Each song is remixed and made up of other Beatles songs.
I play the guess what Beatles song this came from when I drive to work.
I kind of suck at it but whatever.

I got my family's Christmas shopping done and packages have been sent out.
I have a few more things for my Mom and hope to get those out yet this week.
We still need to decorate and do Christmas cards.
I feel like with both of us being sick we kind of dropped the ball.
The nice thing is I am getting every other weekend off at the radio station.
The rest is nice.

Flu, Sinus Infection and did I mention I am pregnant?

Oh my gosh could I get any sicker?!
It started with an obvious sinus infection on Friday morning. I am used to them my family has a long history of sinus problems. Then it hit me.
The flu.
Not only couldn't I breathe I couldn't keep food down.
Lovely.
My poor baby belly got no love.
I thankfully have been able to keep down bananas and ginger ale today so I view that as a good sign.
I even had to call in sick to the radio which I avoid doing at all costs. We are so short staffed.
Sleeping til 3 just seems wrong but that is what I have been doing. I just got done soaking in the tub and it was so nice.
I feel bad our plan this weekend was to start redecorating our newly remodeled home but unfortunately my illnesses got the better of me.
I hate being sick...

Up since 3:30...

So I had to work this AM. I did a two hour remote at one of the local stores.
We are lugging equipment in and people are not moving to let us in.
I think they thought we were trying to cut in line.
After much reassuring that we were not they let us in.
We had fun most people were in high spirits and in the Christmas mood.
I have never been an early bird Christmas shopper.
I understand why people do but our tradition was to wait until Christmas Eve. Out of necessity - lack of money.
But it was fun and there was pressure and I loved it.
Thus the tradition lives on for me.
I hold out tile the last minute on the hunt for the perfect gift. :)

Had turkey day at my Aunt's yesterday. So nice, mellow and even better we did not have to cook! Bummer no yummy leftovers! My Mom's family is laid back because they are so big! It was so sweet of them to include Chris and I. It's hard being away from my folks but my Aunts do their best to love me up. So thankful for my life this year. Does that sound weird? I just feel very blessed.


In other news day 3 no morning sickness. Ok let me rephrase that. Sick but no getting sick.
Thank you baby! :)

All is well... sort of

So I had my first official appointment today with the doctor.
I have been given the ok to let people know we are expecting. Unfortunately we were not able to hear the baby's heartbeat. The little one is only the size of a grape. Maybe next visit.
We could hear the ambiotic fluid so that was different.
I was told even though I am older my health makes me a low risk pregancy which is awesome.
Only negative of the whole appt and I will not go into logistics here but because of my "build" I may have to have a C section.
Which isn't the end of the world but it means no lovely birthing room for me. :(

Chris has now started asking the baby questions.
The big one - is the baby going to let Mommy not get sick?
I can't eat anything and it sucks.
I am done to crackers.
Ugh...

I love my dog but...

It is seven thirty and I am up. I had a whole another 45 minutes when he and the baby woke me up. Max's wet nose nuzzling me and tail thumping against the wall. Meanwhile the baby was making my tummy grumble for breakfast.
I have a long day today and really wanted to sleep in but now that I am up maybe I can enjoy a nice breakfast.
My belly in certain clothes is starting to show. If you didn't know me you might think someone needs to take the chip bag away from that lady.
My fellow teachers think it's funny how I try to squeeze into my old jeans to cover up.
Something I need to stop because it really is not comfortable!!!

I went and bought two maternity sweaters and a pair of jeans. My friend Amy was awesome enough to give me a bag full of Spring and Summer maternity clothes. So a few more purchases and I should be set.
A friend of mine made a good point - as women we are taught to cover up and try to look slimmer so when we do become pregnant it is sometimes to let it show.
I am struggling with that right now.

Also much to my horror my morning sickness has increased - I can't even make it through a grocery store without wanting to be sick.
It is all worth it though.
I am so excited to meet the little one in my tummy in June.

Hormones make you do some crazy stuff!

My hormones are running all over me right now.
I am sick one minute the next I want as much food as I can stuff done my throat.
I have become one with Sprite, Sierra Mist, Ginger Ale, and my good buddy 7 Up.
If I am not drinking a light beverage I am chomping gum and trying not to cry over the littlest thing.
For example our contractor showing me our basement.
I started to cry over how great it looked.
Nice...

Or how sweet my kids are.
Cried while one gave me a hug.
I have prided myself on entering my adult life as a reformed cryer.
Here I am back on the wagon again...

Snow

It is here, I think I was in denial about it coming.
The weather today is so bizarre. Lightning and snow odd combo.
I made it home in one piece it took my an hour and half but I am home.
And starving!

Completely random...

I am a news junkie and was reading the online news provided by CNN. Saddam Hussein is to be executed for his war crimes. It kind of threw me off guard. I think because all this time our troops have been fighting in the middle East and now a small piece of the struggle will come to an end. Or will it? By doing this will we just piss off even more people?
Ever since I was in Middle School and could understand the ramifications of a Nuclear War I have worried that we might experience one in my lifetime. Then we find out Korea has the capability, there is September 11th, and if you have traveled over seas at all you know by in large we are not the most popular country.

Now that I am becoming a Mom I am fretting even more.
I feel bad other countries have preconceived notions about us based on a few loud minority.
On the flip side though all the things we have that others want, we worked our bums off to get.
As much as I worry sometimes I just want to say "Don't hate the player, Hate the game..."

So tired...

So I have been pretty fortunate.
No morning sickness, however I am very tired.
I can now fall asleep sitting up.
And I snore. I never snore.
I do now. :)

I have a terrible cold and unfortunately am limited to what I can take.
So a cold that should only last a few days is hanging on.
I am currently sucking on a cepacol lozenge with cotton balls dipped in hot mineral oil in my ears. Classy I know.

Chris encouraged me to go with him to run errands and bought me lunch.
It is the first real meal I have eaten in days and it was so yummy.
Ribs.
My cravings are pretty humorous.
Meat, red meat, and lots of it.
I no longer crave sweets which is odd since I am a known sugar addict.

I still don't really feel like I am having a baby.
I am tired and am craving foods but otherwise same old me.
My bigger concern is rather than gain weight I have lost it.
I am chocking that up to being sick.
Chris and I know refer to my belly as a baby and we are pretty excited.

comfort = family

so my brother is here visiting.
it has been a very chill visit but so nice.
my whole family likes to just hang out talk and eat.
he bought me a baby gift.
my baby has baby vans!!! they are the checkered loafers ala spocolli from Fast Times.

the baby is being pretty cooperative.
my morning sickness is not consistent so that is nice.
also my cravings are pretty realistic
where things suck:
heartburn
and i hate to type this - gas
it is very embarrassing but welcome to motherhood right?

KFC Chicken Bowls equal ?

So... apparently I was whining about things for nothing. This is an odd thing to blog...
Probably very inappropriate but people blog about crazy things as it is...

If all goes well I will be a Mommy in June.
Crazy isn't it?

My tummy is a baby not chub. I was wondering why I wasn't putting on lbs on the scale but my pants were getting tighter.
Now I know.
Also the crazy need for fast food.
I like my occassional hot salty french fries but then I am good.
Not now... I have had McDonald's more than I would care to type.
And today the most embarrassing thing.... a KFC chicken bowl.
It was so good.
Luckily I have not had too many issues with the dreaded morning sickness but it's still early.

I am nervous. I am considered a mature birth mother so that comes with some risks. I have been cutting down on my caffeine and avoiding the foods pregant women are suppossed to.
I have been meaning to start doing more cardio but this week has been crazy...

My wonderful lead teacher had her baby!!! Very early but both baby and Mom are doing great.
The baby is so cute!!!!!
I am just glad they are both doing well. What that means for me.
Lead teacher duty.
Thursday was a struggle, today it got easier.
I think as the weeks go by it will.
It has too or my kids will pay the price.
Which is not cool.

Next on my to do list.
Tellling my other job.
No more working til midnight.
I am a little nervous about that talk.
Also I hate to put them in a spot.
But hey I am going to be a MOMMY!

In Bizarre Limbo Land

So I am hanging in this weird limbo land right now.
We are trying to have a baby. I have taken a test. One test said yes, several tests said no.
However here I am late.
Not a lot but late none the less.
So here I wait. Am I aren't I?
I would really love one of my Mike's Margaritas chilling out in my fridge but if I am and I do well that is not cool.
Ooh but that bite and cold and a little salt. Yum
My body has been weird but people I am taking that with a grain of salt as my body is always weird.
I find myself looking at my tummy asking it are you chub or a baby? I wish my tummy would let me know pretty soon. This waiting thing for something you really want blows.
Chris has been a trooper, he talks me down from my ledge each day. Gleefully telling me that he guesses that means we have to keep trying.

My job as schedule deputy starts Saturday ending Sunday. Leaving me chained to my phones in case someone calls in.
At least that means I will have plenty of time to start cleaning our basement.

I am in charge?! huh?!...

So in a week one of my bosses at the radio station is getting married.
Needless to say a lot of regular staffers will be in attendance.
Shockingly they put me in charge of the schedule! Which means if someone calls in sick I either A. Find a replacement B. Do the shift myself
Here is the thing there are other staffers who will be around who have been around longer than I. Why are they not in charge? When I asked this question I was told because I am known to be responsible.
That is good right?
Bonus I only have a remote all weekend. Leaving me available should someone call in sick.
Let us hope my radio station does not become Caprise radio.

In other news I have finally started purging for our basement remodel.
Why do I keep some of this crap?!
People I have over 35 pair of shoes!!!!
That is wrong, especially when I work at a pre-school.
Of course I bought a new pair on Thursday.
Black boots on sale. Hot.
Of course I promptly got them stuck on my foot last night.
Making me break into a giggle fit and clomp out to the living room and ask my husband for help.
He did not think it as funny since his "crack" show Battlestar Galactica was on.
Seriously I am smirking right now when I type this.
I have never had it happen and it was funny.

I have been eating sweets lately like a crazy woman. Suprisingly I have maintained my weight loss of 5 lbs. I am now keeping gym clothes at the Y. I really want to do water aerobics but am working up the courage to actually go.
Me swimsuit = scary.
I love it though, you get a serious workout and don't realize it because you are in water.
Won't be the same without Beth. I swallowed a lot pool water giggling but we had fun.

Finally have started embracing my inner artist.
I made a ton of jewelry for the girls at the Y and it was a big hit.
I am knitting and cross stitching too.
I love making stuff for people. They look shocked - why did you do this? I was bored.
Keep being bored right?

Lastly big hugs to Paul and Ann.
I really appreciate your words of encouragement.
I am so happy and lucky to have you as friends.
Time really shows you who your friends are.
Either they shake off or stay by your side.
I am glad you have stayed by my side guys.
Just wish I lived closer.

Catching up

So the last couple weeks have been well ... Different.
I found out on Monday my Grandpa is getting married. Here is the thing - he told my Dad in a letter. My Grandmother has not been gone for a year yet.
It all seems so fast.
I know, I know at their age things going a little faster but still.
I am trying to take it all in you know?

In my little world we are trying to have a baby.
Easier said than done.
Why is it there are people in the world who can sneeze and they become pregnant and we can't?
It is hard, especially when I work with kids all day.

Finally my brother is coming to see me with his girlfriend.
I am really excited to see a member of my family.
I miss them
A lot.

Teacher's First Field Trip

So I had my first field trip today.
It went pretty well. There was a few mishaps but nothing that couldn't be fixed.
It was nice to get out with the kids for a little while. We are also pretty lucky in that we have some great kids.
And very helpful Mom's and Dad's.
It wasn't exactly educational but they all had a very good time.

In two weeks it's time for a trip with our 3's.
That will be interesting.

I am still feeling a little blue and trying to snap out of it and be productive but my first response is to sit on the futon and feel sorry for myself.
Which frankly is ridiculous.
I am trying to be more proactive.
Starting with water aerobics on Saturday mornings.
Woo hoo.
Me in a swimsuit.
Scary!

I just need to get moving and embrace what I am doing more.
I am happy just can't seem to get past this big blob of feeling like I look horrible.
Which shouldn't matter right? But for some reason I can't let it go.
Which worries me... I am I not going to age gracefully as a result and become one of those older ladies who doesn't realize she is 60 not 40?
Or worse let myself go completely....
ugh

I need a frou frou drink please....

I need a yummy cocktail people.
Ever have a week where you feel like a cigarette you aren't even a smoker? I hardly drink anymore but a stiff cocktail sounds delicious.
Is that normal?
Ooooh or a big old margarita with lots of salt.
Yum

Haven't had a hard week nor a bad week.
Just missing friends and family would love a day of cocktail drinking and a deep snuggle in my bed.
That's all.
Just have no time.

Or even better a cocktail on a beach near the ocean.
Oh to dream...

5 lbs, homesick, 1 cup of coffee...

So I weighed myself today. I have been slowly changing my eating habits not so much exercising but staying away from excessive soda and sweets.
I am down 5 lbs. Not bad for 2 weeks. What I am more proud of. I am down to one to two sodas a day. (Cans even!) And I am not needing a nap during the day.
It is amazing what you can get done when you are not sleeping!

Suprisingly I do not miss the sugar. I have found if I treat myself with faux sweets, nuts, or fruit I feel better. Also having to get a cavity filled in a week is a good driver for skipping sugar.

I am pretty lonely though for my family. It is harder on me than I fess up to sometimes. I wish I could just drive to hang with them like I used to. I miss Sunday dinners with them and talking about books and music with my Dad. I miss just laughing with my Mom. I miss my brother. In the last ten years I have only had a two year stretch where they have been within realistic driving distance. Now with Chris's Dad gone and loosing my Grandma family is becoming increasingly more dear.

I am a little blue today but what is nice - I am no longer dependent on a pill to boost my spirits. I have been handling my emotions solo for almost 3 months now and is very empowering. I think really enjoying my job and having time for my husband helps tremendously.

I also discovered a yummy coffee! However I like it a little too much! It is so good I can drink it black however I normally don't do that so I forget one cup will do me. Little jittery right now. Going to go clean the bathroom and burn off that excess energy.

It is the last weekend of summer and it so nice out. Wish I didn't have to work tonight but I know once I get there it will be fun. It's just the getting there I am not a fan of.
If you ever want to hear me and you are not within range we are now streaming.
It's pretty cool.

Now to attack our scary bathroom tile...

1 Mile in 20 minutes...

Today I finally put my chubby body on the treadmill and did my first work out.
I have slowly starting adjusting my eating but not my habits.

I am really glad we have our own treadmill because I really enjoy plugging in my Ipod and dancing while I walk. I also sing along. It is not pretty but it makes that 20 minutes fly. My goal by the end of next week is a full 1/2 hour.

Since the baby thing is not happening I decided that I would try and loose some weight.
I have been wanting to for awhile but just have not been as serious as I should be.
Next week I check out the Y gym with one of my coworkers and start my H20 aerobics class if it is still open.

Also got CPR certified last night.
Pretty exciting.
I am now a certified rescue person.
Let's hope I never have to use it.

Ay Chihuahua...

So I have been offered another teaching job. So if I take this I would be working in the morning, afternoon, then weekends at the radio station.

I never thought in my life I would be offered the opportunity to do two things I enjoy at the same time. That being said I need to choose.
Do I keep working at the radio station and give up a chance to work with kids who speak Spanish? Do I give a chance to work with kids who speak Spanish for a part time radio gig? I know poor me. Not at all right?
Right.

Just weird to be here and trying to put it all together.
Hopefully I will put it all together correctly.
And not burn out.
And keep my house clean.
And not annoy my husband.
And do a good job.
You know, things like that.

Ok I need to make a poster for school.

Holy long day...

So who would have thought four hours could be so long?
Not me... I apologize to those of you who work a full 8 hour day.
However I spent a half day with 16 3 yr olds... a half day feels like a whole day. Especially when it is their first day. Can I tell you though... for their first day, they were all awesome. We had some bumps in the road and my Lead Teacher and I realized we need to work on time management better. But all in all it went well.

All my kids have something wonderful to contribute and it is pretty amazing to know I taught them all something in their first day. My group can say hello in Spanish. I know big deal but it is 'cause they are 3 and this was their first day of school!!!!

My only regret I didn't start teaching sooner.
I think I would have been a lot happier a lot sooner.
Live and learn right?

I have learned. From here on out. Do what makes me happy.
The rest will fall into place.

Tomorrow - 15 four year olds.
Woo hoo! :)

Time for a nap!

This was the first week of meeting my new students and their parents. It went fairly well and I have some great kids. I think the separation will be harder on the parents than the kids.

I have already picked up a cold from someone. Need to have hand sanitizer on me at all times I guess! I am pretty obsessive about washing my hands so still trying to figure out how I managed this already.

It is all very exciting. Now if I can get used to not having hourly doses of caffeine all will be right with the world.

As my baby would say : Sad Panda

So today is my first real Saturday off in a long time. No weddings, no air shift, just chill. To celebrate we were going to have a romantic dinner and go to a movie.
Then our basement flooded.

Unfortunately not from rain.
From a drain.
We have stuff on our floor I won't describe.
Let's just say = yuck.

So here we are awaiting the roto rooter people.
I hope it is just a clog. None of this would be so bad but our treadmilll is inches from standing water. Might have to rethink where we are putting things...
UGH

And Breathe!

So I am back from my adventures on Washington Island. Beth's wedding was beautiful!!!! It was all very fun and I got to meet her infamous college friends. Great ladies and made me a little sad I don't have more close girlfriends.

Have started my first week of prep for pre-school. Next week we meet with parents already!!!
It is crazy. A unfortunate serious of events kind of tossed things up a little but we have a great staff and we are working together so that is helping smooth the wrinkles...

I start my official slim down on Monday. Our treadmill arrives on Friday and away I go. I am going to be healthy. My biggest issue is not so much appearance but rather shortness of breath. That is not good. I have been a faithful watcher of celebrity fit club and truly it really boils down to eating right and exercise. Lastly just doing it and not making excuses. I have always prided myself on being the person who says I want to be a "DJ" and I am one. I want to be... and doing it. My health especially should not be any different.

I will keep you posted.
Ok I have tons of work to do around this pad.
It is nice to have the time to do it!!!!

I am my Mom

I have been up since 3:43 AM. Such bad insomnia it is crazy. I was so tired when I went to bed too. What gives. Now I am crazy wide awake. In theory my alarm is going to go off at 7:15 as I am hanging out with a friend of mine this AM.

I have tried reading, a variety of unique pillow set ups, a fan.
Nothing... now I am afraid I have woke my husband up too...

Today is the day I need to sleep.
I have my first day of training for the Y tonight.

Maybe some warm milk...

Off and Running

So today I had my first orientation for my new job. Tomorrow I have to go register for classes. I have to get my certification done within the first 3 months of my job oh and I get to have a TB test. BOO...

My schedule is going to rock!
M,W,TH, F 8:45 - Noon and Tuesdays 8:45 - 3 pm.

I have a ton of training classes I am required to go to in the next two weeks.
CPR certification, First Aid, BloodBourne Pathogens etc...

Oh and in between I have wedding stuff with Beth.
Sounds like a lot but if you consider I will have my afternoons free not too bad.
And I get a free Y membership. Which is key as I need to loose some weight.
To the tune of 20 lbs per my doctor. We are thinking about starting a family and at my current weight it would put a lot of stress on my heart.

I am getting my inspiration from my friend Paul.
He has a lot more things stacked against him (diabetes) and he is making it work.
Hope I can too.

Seven states in 2 days and you can call Miss Caprise

What a crazy busy fun week!!! I flew out to New Orleans on Tuesday and drove back to WI with Beth. She gets married in 15 days!!!! Her honey has to work so he is flying to WI as it gets closer to the wedding.

New Orleans is so cool. After going there it makes me even angrier that we seem to have forgotten about them. Beth took me to Bourbon St, the French Quarter, and near the Museum where she works. We went to this amazing swanky restaurant for lunch and I feasted on fresh seafood. Where Beth lives the water damage was very low however we did drive past the Superdome and you could see where the Hurricane had hit. The other thing about NO, as pretty as it is. As cool as it is, there is some serious poverty there. Yet people are still amazingly friendly. Because it is warm there are homeless people everywhere. Beth told me most of the time they just ask for food if you are carrying a takeout box. The violence on the news is near the areas more devastated by the hurricane. I guess I would be pissed too if my country turned it's back on me and expected me to live no better than an animal. Because there is little or no money in the Govt. and the National Guard is not where they should there have been a lot of shootings. Please don't let this sour you on NO. It is beautiful. You need to go. The food, people, and architecture make it so cool. Oh and did I mention the music and art? I can see why Beth and Chris stayed even after the hurricane.

I also went to Graceland.
People I am not a huge Elvis fan. I like him but not the songs that he is know for. I am more of a Rubberneckin' girl then Love Me Tender. Or in the Ghetto instead of Hounddog.
Either way you need to go. The jungle room is worth the trip alone. We topped it off with a visit to the Rock n Roll cafe where of course I had a peanut butter and banana fried sandwich.

Yesterday was a lot of driving. I got car sick. I have never got car sick before. So Beth gave me Dramaine and I was out for 2 hours! I woke up and took over the rest of the drive home. However it was on country roads. I am a city girl, it was bad news at 9 at night. Beth is so patient though and we powered through.

Today is my day to recoop. I am going to wrap up shower stuff and clean.
It was so great to have that time w/Beth. She is a wealth of knowledge and told me something about each state I did not know.
Also she is my best friend and I miss her.

In other news I have a new job.
I am going to be a Pre-school teacher for the YMCA!!!
I am pretty excited.
I will know more on Tuesday and fill you in then/

For now I need to clean up and eat.
Maybe take another nap!

T Minus 3

Days until I am a part time person
No full time...
So scared...

Trying not to flip my lid...

Two things:

I hate liars and people who don't follow through.

Lastly - Karma comes back at you. Bear that in the mind the next time you don't think about someone else.

Keeping the cards close to me...

One of my sweet friends (Paulie :) ) pointed out that I haven't really been blogging about how I am.
So here it goes.

I am a little stressed and very excited. One big ball. I am officially two weeks away from only working part time. I am very afraid by that thought. What if I can't get a part time job? Would if I become burden to my husband? What if I get bored?
On the flip side to be able to run errands and not deal with crazy people so looking forward to that. And time with Max. He now has a fenced in yard and is in love with it. We are working on his Frisbee skills. The are sub par at best. I love my dog but he like me is no star athlete.

I am planning my best buds bridal and bachelorette celebrations. Let me just give a kernel of advice here. Let your children elope. Or help them pay for stuff. Don't complain if you don't like it unless you are paying.

So I like always am a stress puppy. Those who know me know if I don't have something to stress or worry about I can't function.
I am a little weird that way.

Maybe that is why I am freaking out.
Without a real job a lot of my stress is gone.
And my worries...

Babies, Beads, and Bridal Showers...

Not necessarily in that order. The official I am a part time worker count down has begun. :) I am applying for part time jobs that are fun. No more stress. The radio station is steadily giving me more hours and remotes. That helps even more. Can I just say what a great group of people I work with. Seriously. I know we get teased because people think some of the music we play is cheesy. If playing cheesy music means I get to know and work with these people I am all for it. Besides I don't think a lot of it, is cheesy. I actually really like it. Sometimes no yelling is a good thing.

My husband is encouraging me to pursue making jewelry and trying to sell it. I am nervous but I really like it and the extra money also would be lovely.

Finally I am helping Miss Beth plan bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and all the hoopla that comes with being married.
Just reminding me why I am glad we got married on an island. :)
I see Beth in a few weeks and I am so jazzed I can't tell you.
I had dinner with Amy Jo, Pete Yorn with Sandy. Again reminding me how much I love my friends.
They truly do rule.

Sleeping in is Good

Tomorrow is a holiday for most of you, I will be working. Don't worry I will be working at my radio job. That means 4 hours of fun music. Bonus I can see the fireworks from my work balcony. Double bonus I get holiday pay. Triple bonus I can sleep in.

So 26 days til I work part time - it can not come soon enough :)

Reason 3002 why you should never check your work email while on vacation...

Because it will piss you off.
Ok... I am on vacation, have been for a week.
Yet I have been assigned assignments? UH? When am I suppossed to do those?

Ugh.
So glad just a few more weeks. Then thankfully no more.
I can focus on my family and my house and put myself back together.

I am on the hunt for a fun part time job.
If they need me to start sooner than later - so long corporate world.
And I am ok w/this....

Vacation...

So I am very excited. It has been a rough week. We had to give Marlee back. I have one word - dogfight. Let me add - blood.
Very traumatic and not ready to go there...

However I leave in the AM and will be spending a full week w/my folks.
This is the first vacation I have had since my wedding where I am not traveling because someone died.
How sad is that?

Let's get ready to rumble :)

So we have a new addition. She is currently on try out. If successful we will keep her.
Last night was awful they fought so hard blood was drawn.

After a long talk w/the vet this morning we realized we need to be Alpha dogs. Not let them just work it out. So today I was the alpha dog courtesy of a magazine thumping anything hard. We are currently at the point where just touching the magazine stops the craziness. My only fear is Miss Marley. She was abused so she is quick to react. I hope she realizes I am not going to hurt her. She is a sweet girl and so smart. Just a suggestion don't get two smart dogs. It can make live a little difficult. Interesting but difficult. :)

And then there were four...

So we have a maybe new addition.
I say maybe because my husband is still on the fence. She has until tomorrow to prove herself.
Her name is Marlee. She is a whippet and German shepherd mix.
For someone so tiny she is a huge bed hog.

Day one was rough but once bedtime came around they actually slept on the same bed.
Which was a little uncomfortable for Chris and I. :)

She is growing on him and unlike Max she demands attention.
Which can be very sweet.
Also she is very smart.
I have never had a dog that actually listened to me. She does and it's weird.
In a good way.

Also that much love at once does a heart good.

June Cleaver hablo espanol

So a lot of bad has happened. A lot of good has come our way too.
One of the good things - I will be able to just work part time starting at the end of July.
I haven't told my folks because I just don't want to deal right now.

I am afraid but I trust Chris.
Also this will be so good for us.
I get to take care of my husband.

And that is good.

I have turned into that girl...

So I walked in the Race for the Cure today.
5k
I am sunburned and pretty sure a tad dehydrated but so worth it. :)

The other thing I did was really bad.
I went to Petsmart.
Today is adoption day there...
I found a dog.
I must have her.
I filled out an application.
I am in trouble...

Now people I can hear all of you in my head.
Here is the deal.
She is a year old.
She is potty trained and walks great on a leash.
She is part whipped and german shepherd and her name is Marlee.
And finally she is a Katrina dog - girl needs a home yo.
Instant bonding - her foster Mom was so nice.

Fingers crossed I don't get killed by my husband.
Second part that I get approved.
Third my other animals don't kill me as well...

so ready for vacation

in a few short weeks i will have a whole week with my family.
so excited!

Already a long weekend...

It has already been a long weekend for me and I haven't even it Sunday yet!!!
I had a remote that I had to get set up for by 10. We didn't get back to the station til 1:45, oil changed. Home around 3:30. Mr. Max and I played ball outside on the deck. (His new favorite playground), took a nap together.
AND now I have to go back to the station til midnight.
Back tomorrow at 3.
Rest on Monday.

Did I mention our house looks terrible?
Chris and I have been running around so much it looks like someone dumped a box of goodwill stuff in various rooms of our house.
My plan is to get up early enough tomorrow that I can get some stuff done.
Hey did some laundry, that is half the battle right? :)

I am so excited...

A three day weekend.
Yes I will be working and yes my husband will be gone but there is something about knowing I don't have to go to an office which is frankly - lovely. :)

Then In Retaliation I Cut My Hair

Ever have those days, weeks, months, years where you feel like you are drowning in all of it? I can honestly say since August that has been my life.
I had a bumpy start in regards to how I handled things but I am slowly improving.

Then today happened.
I prefer not to go into all of it because it is just not worth it.
Except to say that today I was made to feel awful that I had to miss work because of Chris's family. I asked to leave 45 minutes early to get my hair cut.
Mind you...I worked 4 hours on Saturday. I have not left before 5:30 every night this week. (Did I mention I start at 7:30?) And oh yes no lunches except for 1 day...
So in my mind leaving 45 minutes early not a biggie.
Except of course if you have a death in your family and leave 2 hours early on a Friday.
Oh and did I mention I am working from 7:30 - 5:30 to cover for someone to have the day off.
Mind you when I am gone people close for her or open. So she doesn't have to work the whole day... they also bring other people in...
UGH

So I went to my haircut.
And I cut my hair off.
I have been conforming to what I think my office thinks I should look like and it is ending now.
I do a fine job funky hair or no.
And I got my cartilage pierced.
I am going to start taking lunches and leaving on time.
I am going to live to work not work to live.

I might even go back to school soon...
Or become a stay at home mommy.
As sad as is this sounds with a loss there is sometimes opportunities...

Thank you Dad.

And this is where I have my nervous breakdown

Today I think everything finally got to me. We were audited internally and a lot of the mistakes were mine. We have a sister office that is borderline dysfunctional and I am feeling the heat as well taking it very personally.

So today I started crying at work.
I almost couldn't stop.
It was insane and crazy and really I kind of needed it.

I know I have not been the one to loose my loved ones but I have a loved one who is.
I wish I could help him and support him. I feel bad that I am even crying and being sad. It's not me...Yet here I am.

As if it couldn't get any worse...

Chris's Grandma passed away....

Back to Normal?

ok i was so going to blog about something else until i was distracted:

So.. I host Saturday at the 70's as most of you know.
Burger King now has a commercial that spoofs Helen Reddy's song "I am Woman"
Ashamed to say I laughed.

It is good to laugh.
Also got this really great forward, it is a comedian doing all the different dances through the decades in 6 minutes. If I can figure out how I will be post it so you can all laugh too.

Laughing it is good.

Here we are

We buried my father in law yesterday. The last 2 wks. have been awful. Let's just say some true emotions finally came out and it got a little ugly.
Essentially I had it out w/Chris's sister. Through this whole thing she has made it about her and what she has to gain, I can barely type that - gain out of all of this. It has been a little about loss but some comments have been made and some things were done that nearly ripped Chris's heart out.

However they are all they have now, I sat them both down on Thursday night and stressed how important it is they realize that. They both have a terrible habit of taking the other for granted then placing blame elsewhere. I am on my third funeral in 8 months. You can't take anyone or anything for granted.

You just can't. My heart has been ripped out several times recently and for my husband I bite my lip and keep going on. But I have to say if my children ever behave the way I saw some people behaving the last few days I will make them wish they were still in the womb. All of this is about loss and memories. Not stuff.
I am seriously thinking I need to get in touch w/my hippie roots and set up a tent somewhere in a field for away from the craziness. Except I like being clean, stuff, and please forgive me reality TV. :)

I guess my point is in this rant - cherish it, hold it, love it, don't forget it, be nice to people and yourself. All of that will take you alot further in life. Just look at my father in law. He may have left us but he did all of that and he was very loved.

Home

Well we are here. It has been a long couple days. I go to work tomorrow then the burial is Friday in the land of the Packers.
Chris and Jen went to a friend's for dinner. I told them I needed a time out so I would be ready for work. I am showered, have had some ice cream, and have sushi in the fridge.
In about an hour my favorite show is on - so nice to be home.

The last few days have been tiring but also very suprising. I always knew my father in law was a sweet, quirky guy. Maybe after all the visits, cards, and flowers so do his kids.

I am going to miss him, he was my champion and companion at family events.
He also was going to teach me to garden.
I will miss that lesson.

And so it goes...

Chris's Dad passed away today. We are all a little numb. The selfish me is sad to be loosing my ally when dealing w/Chris's family. The pragmatic me is beyond concerned about the impact this will have on my husband...

This is when the other shoe drops...

Chris is in Buffalo City. We find out tomorrow how long his Dad has. Unfortunately it is looking like hardly anytime as oppossed to more. Chris will be home tomorrow and we can figure out a game plan.
Work is stessful and this doesn't help the situation any. I finally stood up for myself today and told my boss she is pushing me too hard. I understand we are swamped but I am one person and I can only do so much. I know I shouldn't have but it needed to be said. Whether it will change to the situation or get me fired. Only time will tell.
Keep your fingers crossed time is nice not nasty...

Most importantly think of Chris and send him good vibes.

Lots going on

I have been slacking in the blogging, not because I have not wanted to blog. Rather there has been a lot going on. Chris's Dad has cancer. We are not sure how bad it is because he is too weak to tell us and his doctor is out of town. All we know is that it is throat cancer and they have to do surgery. His Grandmother is not doing very well either, so it has been a long couple of weeks.

Work has just been crazy - so much so that promised short days turn into 11 hour days.
It is good to be busy but someday I would like to leave on time and eat lunch.

I have decided to start taking better care of myself.
As afraid as I am of the gym I have decided to start going.
I hate how I feel and want to try to feel better.

I am going to cut out my sugars and caffeine as I have discovered those are my new addictions.
I get to host both the 70's and 80's show next weekend so I am pretty excited.

Even though there is a lot of bad and crazy there is a lot of good going on too.

I love naps...

I am becoming old. I am enjoying the naps a lot.
Just woke up from a two hour one. Which I feel is justified as I did a remote this AM and have a 5 hour shift tonight.
Looking forward to tomorrow, Chris is home all day and I am making us dinner.
Spring is here and I can't help but be in a good mood.

Hello My Name is...

Caprise and I am a binge eater.

Not really intentionally. Just been so crazy at work lately I haven't gotten a chance to eat. I have been living off a steady diet of diet soda, coffee, gum, and the occasional skittle. When I get home I am so hungry I eat whatever is handy.

Work has just been nuts and to be honest this is only a taste of things to come.
Since we are running so tight sometimes people catch us at the worst moments and we can be short. I feel so bad that I may have made someone feel like a number. I have always tried to make people feel valued. Now I am making people feel like crap.
Not good.

Need to work on my attitude, just hard when you are the only one in the office, in an interview, all the lines are ringing, and 3 people just walked in.
I am just saying...

The Longest and "Funnest" day I have had in a long time...

Tonight after work I went to my other job and helped answer phones.
We are having a drive to get a Gilda's Club built in Madison.
What a nice group of people - it is amazing how committed everyone is to making this happen.

People making donations were sharing stories that would break your heart.
I had a lady call who said she could only donate $10 right now because she is going through chemo and doesn't have much money. If she has more she will call back...

I also donated $20, money is tight for us but I couldn't not help.
I wish there had been a Gilda's Club here when my aunt died...

In 3 Months...

I will coming back from my first week long vacation since I got married.
I am flying out East to see my folks. They have taken time off then as well and already have some day trips planned.
I will be going to Washington D.C. and Baltimore.
As well as some other sites my folks want to take me too.

June will not be here soon enough!

Let a new chapter begin :)

It's Friday -love Friday 'cause that means it is the weekend.
Which means a break. Granted I work on Saturday nights but it is so fun I feel guilty I am paid.
(Don't tell my boss :)!)

I am going to be adding another adventure to my life in the form of a side business. Not going to spill the beans yet in case it crashes and burns.
I am pretty excited and surprised at the support I am getting and where from.

I am making 2 really great friends at work and that helps make the day go.
I get to see my folks in a few months and have my best bud's wedding to look forward to.

Good times...

I survived and discovered a yummy bakery!

I survived!! They were so nice and I found my new favorite bakery. Of course it is on the West side but if need be I will start making the drive.
Yummy and cheap.
It went fast and they actually invited me back which was shocking!

I guess I need to learn not to be so frickin paranoid.

Also realize I work with a very nice group of people!

I am a little afraid

So tomorrow morning I face one of my biggest fears...
I will be live in the studio w/JJO's Johnny and Greg...
I always do ad libs via the phone which is no biggie they can't see me...
Tomorrow they can.
They are kind of pigs, I am kind of chubby.
Give me strength to be funny and look somewhat cute so as to avoid be ripped apart on the air...

Beads

Got a package today. Which I never get, anything in package form is typically for my husband and is a computer part.
Imagine my excitement to one get a package, two have it be from Beth, and three to contain authentic Mardi Gras beads.
Hooray for me.

I love that Beth would even do that.
The girl who has been through it all still makes time to send beads.

And this is why she is my best friend. :)

Double Whammy

I must be some sort of lucky...
Not really but saying that makes me feel better.
So I have been sick of course, for awhile. At the urging of those who love me I went to the doctor. Which was a good thing.
If I had waited much longer I would have gotten either pneumonia or bronchitis.
Nice, instead I gave myself a sinus infection and a respitory infection.
I have a ton of drugs I have to take now for over a month.
The doctor was very nice and was frustrated I wasn't better diagnosed the last time I was there. It happens.
He gave me some great tips at work to help prevent me from getting sick. Apparently the antibacterial stuff isn't that helpful. He recommended wet wipes. Weird but hey he is the doctor. Aside from illness - life is good.
Although when all you do is sleep and watch movies - how can things be stressful?

Still down...

I can not believe how long the human body can incubate a bunch of germs. I am still sick and honestly I feel like I am getting worse.
It's hard because I have to be at work, just too much to do.
When really I just want to put my head on my desk and sleep...

Down for the count...

So this weekend I had a double shift at the radio station.
Which I actually really look forward to for two reasons: 1 extra money, 2 it's fun.
Unfortunately Saturday I had no voice. I don't know what I have but I feel awful.
I have never called in sick to a radio job, except when I broke my ankle way back when.
I feel so cruddy.

Just want to sleep.
I am taking medicine but to be honest that makes me feel worse...

Why am I up so early on a Saturday?!

I feel like I lost the lottery.
Normally on Saturday mornings I make it to at least 9.
It was 7:30 this morning which isn't a bad thing because I need to run some errands on the west side and that can be a 30 minute drive.
Either way, I wish I could sleep.
I am getting a cold and loosing my voice. Not a good thing since tonight and tomorrow I am on the air.
I will be drinking a lot of hot liquids the next few hours.

My wake up call was sweet though -
An 85 lb. Lab licking my face.

I am obsessed...

I am completely obsessed with my iPod lately. I find it really relaxes me to jam out to it. Which unfortunately means me singing. My poor husband and my animals. Let's just say I have a voice for radio not on it as in playing but announcing.
My favorite song right now : Coheed and Cambria: The Suffering
It ties in nicely with the book I am reading - The Southern Belles of Honeysuckle Lane.
Similar drama. :)
I have a bad habit of playing it over, and over, and over and over and over...
As much as I hate being in front of people I would love to sing this song in front a ton of people.
I wonder if I can find it in Karoke form?
I have resigned myself to accept I am now a member of corporate America, however I am not going to totally bow down.

If the last few months have taught me anything, be who you are, embrace it. As long as you are not hurting anyone what does it matter right?
I know I am 34 and technically I need to grow up. Not saying I am not going to,but I am saying I am going to keep listening to alternative music and perhaps getting some more tattoos. At least until the babies come. :)
The amazing thing is I have this remarkable person who supports me in all this craziness.
It is possible to fall in love all over again with the same person? If so I am falling in love again with my husband. How did I get so lucky?!

So I say to everyone start singing out loud, who cares how bad you sound? Have fun.
Just be nice.

It's been awhile...

Since I posted. A lot has happened. First of all we were on vacation. We celebrated our wedding anniversary. The only downer is we thought I had food poisoning - really it was some side effects from my medication. So not as much celebrating as we would have liked. Still had a great time.
As promised Chris got me a present that would make me cry. Diamond earrings. I have worn them everyday. They are beautiful.
It was so nice to spend time together like that. We don't do it enough. So we bought Brewer Tickets for 4 games so we can spend more time together.

Back at work, it has been crazy.
I am dealing.
It is only going to get crazier, so hang on.

Now it is Saturday and I have 10 hrs before I need to be anywhere.
So on that note I am going to relax.

The Side Effects Of Elephant Riding

The great elephant ride has hit me. I am either very out of shape or riding an elphant bareback can do goofy things to your body.
I just soaked in a hot tub.
Still sore.
But so worth it. I will get to say to my kids - Mommy rode an elephant and introduced the circus! If we could have taken more pictures we would of but there was major concerns regarding flashes near the animals. Unfortunately with my digital camera I have no control over the flash.
:( As my husband would say - Sad Panda...

However, I did get a picture of my elephant or as the circus calls him/her Bull or Bo we are not sure...
Notice the harness around the head - she didn't have any of the flair but she did have the harness and that was what I held onto...

Elephants smell like burlap...

So this is a little early for me to blog. However, I wanted to get this down before I forgot. Magic 98 is one the sponsors of the Zor Shrine Circus. Every year the newest staff member serves as honorary ringmaster. Which means you say hello and ride an elephant into the center ring. Yes it was me.
A few things.
I did not have a saddle, I had a piece of leather to hold onto and I was supposed to wave. This kind of contradicted what the trainer said, "Hold on Tightly to the strap and don't let go". Once in center ring I was handed a mic and introduced myself and the circus. People, children will cheer for anything. Put someone on a big elephant minus a saddle and they cheer louder. I waved once at a little boy and then back to holding tight. We were going to take a picture of me on said elephant, but they were loading the lions and tigers into the stage seriously inches from us. To get to my elephant I had to walk around their cage. We decided flash photography would probably not be appropriate then. That and with all the circus people around and them trying to begin the circus there really wasn't a good time to say - "Hey can we take a picture?"
I did however take a picture of my sweet elephant when she was performing solo as "Bull". Chris also bought me a cute stuffed elephant.
The Shriners were lovely gentleman and their wives were sweeties. I got a big round of encouragement on my way out and a big round of applause on my way back.
It was fun and scary and I can't believe I did it!!!
I am really glad I did, my legs are sore, my hands are a little scratched and smell midly still like burlap after several washings.
However, all that was worth it to be in the center ring of a circus on an elephant.
On a sidenote I had a dream last night PETA came and attacked me to which I yelled "Cameron Diaz rode an elephant on her eco show and you people didn't get mad at her!!!"

Valentine's Day, tons of snow and a little holiday..

So Valentine's Day was very nice. I made Chris his new favorite meal. Spicy fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Yes people homemade.
We kept VDAY low key because our anniversary is the 21st. That will be the extravaganza. I want to make Chris a very wonderful dinner. He loves my bacon wrapped shrimp in tomatillo sauce, so if we can find the tomatillo's it's on.
We are both taking the day before, of, and after our anniversary to be together. It will be heaven. I made Chris a VDAY card and bought him a game... :) (An adult game :)!)
He bought me the sweetest card and my new favorite chocolate. Choxie from Target. I know it is from Target but it is yummy and cheaper than Godiva. My honey is good to me.

The snow actually closed my office down early, it was shocking!!!
I guess they have never done that but w/so many businesses closing they decided anyone who did not live in Madison needed to go. Since Chris and I carpooled my awesome coworker drove me home in her 4 wheel drive vehicle.
People I need me some 4 wheel drive. Maybe I wouldn't be such a frickin' wuss then.
Doubt but the little Kia is not built for lots of snow.

In other news I am probably one visit away from being down w/my sessions.
It feels so good I could cry.
I have to make a follow up w/my doctor and get her blessing then I am good to go.
It is nice to be back to me.
Bonus my husband blessed me getting funky rock hair. I love it!!! It is amazing the cool things you can do when you grow your hair out. Most of my adult life I have been envious of ladies w/beautiful blunt bobs. (No longer, cause I got one) Complete w/funky hair color. (No worries Bethie it will look good w/the dress!)

I am just very happy and back to my spazzy, goofy, self and I am so glad.

Ok let's try this again...

So thanks to the newest addition of our staff I am here on a Saturday night. Kind of weird because I have pretty much worked every Saturday since I started. Not complaining one way or the other. It is just odd.
My Saturday coming up is going to be odd.
Apparently my station sponsors a circus. When said circus comes to town, the newest staff member rides the elephant into the center ring and announces the circus.
Well... yup it is me.
It is a comedy of errors how I found out but that made it all the more funny.
I am a little afraid as it is a elephant!
I am sure it will all be fine, just a little nervous.

In other news I am feeling so much better, it is amazing. I still have my moments but I feel the old me coming back. It feels so good.
I can't even tell you.

A Saturday free!

A Little Like Elvis

So much to my chagrin I am taking sleep meds to help me down from my uppers I have to take in the AM. I think this the kind of thing both Elvis and Marilyn Monroe did?!
It is helping. It is weird to woken up by my alarm clock and when I wake up at 3 to be able to fall soundly back to sleep.
I am not complaining!
It's been a tough week but you do what you can.
Baby steps and sleeping pills all is good.

Sleep we don't need no stinking sleep...

So there are some positives and negatives regarding the process I am going through. Positive I am feeling better. Positive my appetite is lower. Positive I do not cry for no apparent reason. Positive I am up early in the morning on the weekends. (It is amazing what you can get done at 8 AM!)
Negative I am up in the morning on the weekends. Negative I wake up every 2 hours like clockwork. Negative really nothing tastes good but chocolate. Some of you would say that is a positive. (50/50 on that one). Negative about 8 pm I wind down. (The wonder drug is only 12 hours!)
So I am surviving on about 4 hrs of sleep lately. Luckily I am married to a saint who believes napping is not a big deal.
It is a struggle but I am discovering and returning to things that use to make me happy. If you need some jewelry let me know - that is my new obsession!!!
My part time job helps a lot - it is amazing how carthartic a few hours of 70's and 80's music can be. Even if sometimes it makes me say "What the?!"
I am getting there kids and it feels good.

Little souvenir

It is amazing how carthartic revisiting some of the music that you cut your teeth on can be. I have been addicted to my little iPod since I bought it. Thankfully others have caught on. A recent gift gave me free reign to the tune of $30. I have music from my early radio years and songs that make me think of my first love.
Songs that make me smile and cry. And think ... how lucky I am to have memories so wonderful that just a few chords of song brings it back.
I had someone who I admired for a long time but whom I thought did not think of much of me recently say - you should stick w/radio and music - it's in your soul.
The more I travel around through my musical memory I guess it is. I know this probably all sounds incredibly trite and maybe a little conceited... but I think it is true.
I could never play music but I have always loved it. I only hope when I have kids they will love music as much as I do. My Dad from an early age taught me all music is good music because it is. You should never be a music snob you might miss out on something great. While other kids my age were listening to top 40 my Dad was "torturing me" with the Band, The Hair soundtrack, the Beatles, and The Pretenders. (don't' get me wrong I sneaked in my top 40 pop) My Dad relented and bought me a Duran Duran album. :) This mindset has given me some great music.
I guess what I am saying in a terribly long way is this... it is nice to have something besides a pill to make me feel good. It almost hurts it is so great. I cherish my hours when I am not beholden to anyone and can slip on my ear buds or turn on a cd player. That is probably why I love my part time job so much.4-5 hours surrounded by music and memories.
Right now some favorites:
Howie Day - Collide
Gwen Stefani - Underneath it All (Reggae version)
Anything by the New Pornographers
The Sundays
Elton John - Tiny Dancer
Chaka Khan - Tell me Something Good...
The list goes on.

Shocking what happens when...

You can't get a prescription refilled. I had a nervous breakdown. Knowing that I have become dependent on a little pill. When I was told I am not be able to get it well chaos. :)
I am still waiting to hear if they are going to deny me.
It is not so much the pill itself but the freedom it represents.
If I don't get it will be like starting over, and sad as it seems I have come far. Without it I will be going back not forward.
Keep your fingers crossed...

So this is me...

Guilt does crazy things to people.
Worrying about what people think does the same.
Society doesn't help much either.
Certain things can not be solved by saying just cheer up or pick yourself up by your bootstraps and chin up, etc....
Unfortunately sometimes there isn't a wonder drug.
We don't tell people who have diabetes to just get better, we say take care of yourself, change your diet, have you seen your doctor?
We are very concerned.
When it is depression we tend to think you can just make it go away. There must have been something horrible in your past to make you this way.
I wish I could and that there was. It would make all of this make a lot more sense to me then it does.
To those I love I am sorry if you can't understand or I may have made you feel bad. Right now this is just me. I am doing what I can but unfortunately right now it is not enough.
I know I will get better, just think it is going to get worse first.

2 AM and I am hungry...

Just got done w/work and I am starving!!! Of course I did not realized McDonald's is open 24 hrs. This is still a new concept to me. Fast food this late. Perkins open late - Taco Bell open late, McDonald's boggles the mind. :)
I have today/tomorrow off and plan to continue my power cleaning. There is something rewarding to coming home to clean house. Also it means you can be lazier somewhere else done the line.
I had to provide my radio boss w/more stuff about me for my radio bio. I am so bad at that stuff. My normal response to something that may surprise you about me: I have tattoos. Not really something you can say at my station. Which I completely understand. :)
I am having a lot of fun and have been bringing some great music. Like Rickie Lee Jones and Yes. The 70's aren't all about KC and the Sunshine Band and the like. I got to play the Beatles, Stevie Wonder, Elton John and last week Lynrd Skynard. I play the Allman band, Kiss and my personal favorite Wild Cherry. I feel guilty that I get paid.

Speaking of tattoos I have finally decided w/the support of my wonderful husband to get a tattoo somewhere I don't have to pull off clothing to show. It is something I have wanted to do for awhile but have worried about what others might think. A trait my husband is trying to get me to work on . I have said it before I like my dog am a people pleaser.
Right now though I need to please myself and my tummy :)

Mother Trucker...

So how in the world do I put myself in these situations?
I somehow screwed up my budget... by about $100 ... something is going to get rubbery I think.
I think my mind has just been everywhere but where it needs to be. I have an apt. next week and I'm a little afraid. There is a lot I want and need to talk about just not sure how to bring it up or share it or any of it...
I know I need to but it's hard.
Sad that it is easier to type on a blog accessed by millions...

Slacking...

Have not been the most regular blogger lately.
Have been caught up in things this past week. Also it seems the weeks I visit w/my doctor I have a tendency not to feel comfortable blogging.
I think that whole fear of airing dirty laundry since it was so comfortable not too long ago.
I have been going through the whole process for over a month and as troublesome as this is to me it is working.
I can actually sleep without any sleep aids. (Through the night!)
I am learning how not to obsess and trying to not be compulsive.
Hard to do. I even obsess about the shape of my fingernails for Pete's sake!

Beth is back in New Orleans and definitely having some struggles there. I feel bad and powerless but unfortunately that is kind of how it is. All I can do is be there for her.

The biggest thing I have been dwelling on is the fact that one of my friends who is now finally in a relationship has just kind of written me off. Kind of sucks but I guess it was bound to happen. Right?

Well I have a 1/2 left of slacking need to go.

Everybody is working on the weekend

At least I am , just got home. It is 1:46 AM. Have to go back tomorrow afternoon also. The more I am there the more I realize how much I would like to do radio full time. The reality is I am not alone and the competition is tight. One can dream right?

For now I will revel in my weekends and how great it is to get paid to listen to the likes of ABBA, The Beatles, The Clash, and others...

Makes Monday mornings not so sweet. :(

In other news Beth is heading back to New Orleans on Sunday AM. I was fortunate enough to spend 3 solid days with her. I helped her tie up some loose ends for her wedding in August. It was so great to have her here, not going to be the same without her. I am hoping she is able to pick up the pieces. She has been through enough as it is.

I suppose I need to sleep...

Survived the weekend...

So New Years eve was spent at my DJ job, a pleasant visitor in the form of my friend Beth showed up. We ate junk food and danced to fun 70's music. Then at Midnight we toasted w/the next DJ and then left to meet up with my husband and friends at Pauls Club downtown.
It was fun but I realized very quickly how old I am and how much I do not enjoy going out. Ironically we ran into a couple of our other friends as well.

We were out until 3 am and my tummy hurt from all the laughing. People are very entertaining on New Years! Slept until an hour before my afternoon shift and then off to work again.
It was nice quiet time for me to just take everything in.

Today I am enjoying one last day of freedom before the grind starts again. HAPPY NEW YEAR!