I have been holding a lot of what I am about to type in. I apologize for it not being my typical happy rant about Gabby. However part of why blog is to vent.
Where to begin? I am terribly lonely and thankful for Gabby to distract me from it most days. What kills me is I have two friends literally 20 minutes away who never call and friends states away who always do.
I have been lying to myself, and maybe even you. I am happy on a few levels. I love being a Mom and a teacher. But I have been fighting this battle, stay in radio or go. I say I want to go because that is what my parents and Chris want to hear, but I want to stay. I like the cheesy 80's music and the people I work with. But Chris struggling with Gabby makes me afraid to go back.
Then there is Chris. I have changed so much about my life to make him happy but he has never done the same for me and it is taking it's toll on me. For Pete's sake he pitches a fit if I ask him to move his car so I can run an errand. I am starting to feel like maybe I did settle for safe. He never fights for me, surprises me, makes me feel like I am special. I shouldn't complain, he is a good guy who makes me laugh, but why do I feel like lately I have lost pieces of me?
Maybe it is all the hormones...
I have such a great thing in my life in Gabby, I guess I should suck the rest up.
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2 comments:
Caprise... you are brave to admit things that come from deep inside. Things that sound scary on the inside. I think that if you want to be fair to yourself and to others (as I know that you do) that talking with them (or writing to them) about what is troubling you can be the way to let them know. After you have said your piece, then make your decision based on your feelings thereafter. You are truly amazing and don't feel badly for feeling these feelings. It's okay to want some things for yourself.
Caprise, darling, you are a fabulous star, and you should never settle for less than you deserve. I am proud of you for beginning to sort through this stuff, as Ann said, this takes courage. I think it wouldn't hurt to send a heartfelt letter off to the friends in question, to really explain to them how you feel. I like to think that they will respond positively. I know I would! I miss you, and am cheering for you!
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